News 2025-04-28 10:27:03

Am I Wrong for Being Angry That My 70-Year-Old Mom Used Her Bonus to Upgrade Her Kitchen Instead of Helping Me Pay Off Student Loans?

When my mom got a retirement bonus recently—nothing huge, but enough to actually make a difference—I really thought she might offer to help me a little. Just a few hundred dollars here or there toward my student loans. Something to ease the pressure that's been crushing me every month since graduation.

I didn't ask for everything. I didn't expect her to wave a magic wand and fix my debt. I just... hoped.

Instead, when I finally mustered up the courage to ask, she smiled tightly and said, “I have other plans for that money.”

I nodded. What could I say? It’s her money. Her life.

But then I found out what those “other plans” were.

New granite countertops. A high-end fridge with a screen on it that shows you what’s inside without opening the door. Soft-close drawers. A gleaming silver faucet that lights up with LED when the water’s running. Her dream kitchen. Her splurge.

Meanwhile, I’m here drowning under a mountain of student loans—the very ones I took out because she always told me, “Education is the key to success. No matter what, get your degree.”

I just don't understand how you look at your own child struggling—really struggling—and say, "Nah, I'd rather splurge on a kitchen remodel."

Is it really so wrong to expect a little help from the person who raised you to believe that family comes first? That we take care of each other? That when one of us hurts, we all pull together?

Apparently, that only applied until her counters needed updating.


And then, Mom responded:

Hi everyone. This is Mom.

Let me respond to what my child wrote.

You’re right—I did teach you that family matters. That’s why I spent decades living it. I packed lunches. I worked overtime. I skipped vacations and sewed Halloween costumes by hand. I paid for braces when insurance wouldn’t. I helped you move into your dorm. I stayed up all night worrying about you during finals week—even though you were grown.

All that wasn’t a bonus. It wasn’t optional. It was love.

This retirement bonus? That’s mine. Mine to use. Mine to enjoy. After forty years of putting everyone else’s needs before mine, I chose me.

You call it a splurge. I call it the first thing I’ve done for myself since I learned what sacrifice means.

If your degree didn’t teach you responsibility, maybe this will: Your loans. Your life.

My drawers may be soft-close, but my answer? It isn’t.

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