You don’t teach someone to value you by overgiving, chasing after them, or sticking around longer than you should.
Instead, you teach them how to value you by how you respond when you’re undervalued.

Here’s a practical, step-by-step guide to help you navigate this situation with clarity and strength.

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1. Be Honest With Yourself

Ask yourself these important questions:

• Do I feel taken for granted?

• Am I emotionally exhausted when I’m with him?

• Is he making a consistent effort, or just doing the bare minimum to keep me around?

Don’t make excuses for his behavior or try to rationalize it. See the reality clearly, without judgment or denial. Understanding the truth is the first step toward change.

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2. Communicate Clearly — Once and Only Once

Say exactly how you feel, what you need, and what will happen if things don’t improve. For example:

“I feel unappreciated when you [specific behavior]. I need [specific change]. If that doesn’t happen, I’ll have to reconsider this relationship.”

Speak calmly and confidently. Don’t argue, plead, or repeat yourself. Then, watch his actions closely. Actions always speak louder than words.

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3. Stop Over-Functioning

If you’re always:

• Starting conversations

• Fixing emotional issues

• Doing more than you receive

Pause. Stop doing the extra work. Let the imbalance become visible. When he feels the absence of your effort, that can be the wake-up call he needs.

Remember: a healthy relationship requires effort from both sides, not just one.

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4. Set Boundaries and Follow Through

If he continues to ignore your needs or disrespects you, real consequences are necessary:

• Walk away from blame-filled arguments.

• Pause intimacy or favors until respect is restored.

• Be prepared to leave if your boundaries are repeatedly crossed.

You can’t “love” someone into appreciating you, but you can walk away from someone who refuses to value you.

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5. Understand: His Behavior Is Not About Your Worth

His lack of appreciation doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or not enough. It means he’s either unwilling or emotionally unable to give what you deserve.

Some people are emotionally unavailable, selfish, or carry wounds they haven’t healed — and you can’t fix that for them. Your worth is independent of how he treats you.

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6. Be Prepared to Walk Away — And Mean It

If appreciation doesn’t come with your presence, it might come with your absence.

Even if he never changes, you win by freeing yourself from a one-sided relationship that drains you. If he does wake up after you leave, it’s on him to prove he’s changed through consistent actions — not empty promises.

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7. Ask Yourself: If Nothing Ever Changes, Am I Okay Staying?

Be brutally honest with yourself. If the answer is no, you already know what you must do.

Staying in a relationship that drains you emotionally without growth is not a kindness to yourself.

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Bonus: Red Flags That Show He Doesn’t Appreciate You

• He only notices you when you stop giving.

• He dismisses your feelings or calls you “too emotional.”

• He never apologizes or takes responsibility.

• He makes you feel like you’re always doing too much but still not enough.

• He values being right over being kind.

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The Final Truth

You’re not asking for too much. You’re simply asking the wrong person.

Let go of the belief that you have to fight to be appreciated. The right person will value you naturally, without reminders or battles.

You deserve someone who sees your worth from the start — not after you’ve worn yourself out proving it.