Nicole cried before the first twenty minutes ended.
Amara became irritated.
“Mom always cries.”
Nicole looked hurt.
Dr. Patel asked:
“What happens when your mother cries?”
Amara shrugged.
“I stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Being mad.”
“Why?”
“Because then I feel mean.”
Nicole covered her mouth.
Dr. Patel turned toward her.
“Nicole, what do you hear?”
“That my emotions shut her down.”
“Yes.”
“Are you crying intentionally?”
“No.”
“Does intention change the effect?”
Nicole looked at Amara.
“No.”
From then on, when Nicole became overwhelmed, she sometimes stepped out for five minutes.
At first that felt artificial.
Then useful.
Amara learned she could finish a sentence without having to comfort the person who caused the pain.
Grant’s hardest session came three months later.
Dr. Patel asked him:
“What did you mean when you told Nicole you wanted Tyler to have a trip where he wasn't joining Daniel’s family?”
Grant looked toward Tyler.
Then Amara.
“I meant I wanted my son to feel like something belonged to him.”
Dr. Patel asked:
“Why did that require Amara’s absence?”
Grant said nothing.
The room stayed silent.
Finally:
“Because I was jealous.”
Nicole looked toward him.
He had never said it that plainly.
Amara stared.
“Of Dad?”
Grant nodded.
“Of a dead person?”
“Yes.”
He gave a humorless laugh.
“It sounds pathetic.”
Dr. Patel said:
“It sounds human.”
“Human can still be harmful.”
Grant nodded.
He looked toward Amara.
“Your father never had to make ordinary mistakes in front of me.”
“He had already died when I met your mom.”
“Every story I heard about him was finished.”
“Funny Daniel.”
“Brilliant Daniel.”
“Prepared Daniel.”
“Loving Daniel.”
“He left money.”
“He left letters.”
“He left traditions.”
“I was alive.”
“I was the guy forgetting to buy milk.”
“The guy getting angry about electric bills.”
“The guy whose son had abandonment issues.”
Grant rubbed his hands together.
“I started feeling like I was competing with someone who could never lose.”
Amara listened.
“Then Tyler would get hurt by Melissa.”
“And I would look at you with this whole structure around you from your dad.”
“I told myself you had more.”
“So giving Tyler more couldn't hurt you as much.”
Amara’s face changed.
“That’s what Mom did too.”
Nicole looked down.
Grant nodded.
“Yes.”
Dr. Patel asked:
“Did Amara actually have more?”
Grant looked toward her.
“She had more money.”
“More relatives tied to Daniel.”
“More concrete proof he thought about her future.”
He paused.
“She had less father.”
Amara’s eyes filled.
Grant swallowed.
“I forgot that.”
No one spoke.
“I am sorry.”
This time Amara did not say not yet.
She also did not say she forgave him.
She simply nodded.
Tyler spoke next.
“I hate when adults use me as the reason.”
Everyone looked at him.
Grant frowned.
“What?”
Tyler stared at his hands.
“Mom uses me.”
“Dad uses me.”
“Melissa uses me.”
“What does your mom—”
Dr. Patel lifted one hand toward Grant.
Let him finish.
Tyler continued:
“My mom says she can't take me because work is crazy.”
“Then Dad says he has to do stuff because Mom didn't.”
“Nicole says she wants me to feel included.”
“Then Amara loses something and everybody says it was for me.”
His voice broke.