“I know she is dead.”
“I know you did not choose this.”
“I know Sophie needs her.”
“I know Margaret lost her daughter.”
“I know all of it.”
She pressed both hands together.
“But sometimes I walk into the kitchen and Sophie says, ‘Mom made pancakes better.’”
“I arrange her birthday and Margaret posts a photo of Hannah’s old birthday decorations.”
“I buy Sophie a dress and somebody says she has Hannah’s taste.”
“I marry you and half the people at our wedding tell me Hannah would be glad Sophie has someone.”
Her voice broke.
“I don't want to be the person Hannah would be glad about.”
“I want to be Caroline.”
Andrew looked at her.
“You are.”
“Not always in this family.”
That hurt because it was true.
He leaned forward.
“What do you need?”
She laughed softly.
“That question is late.”
“I know.”
“Still.”
Caroline thought.
“Transparency.”
“About Hannah’s things.”
“About Margaret.”
“About what Sophie has been told.”
“I do not need veto power.”
“I do not want it.”
“But I cannot parent a child using rules I am not allowed to know.”
Andrew nodded.
“Yes.”
“Also.”
She looked toward him.
“If Sophie tells me I’m not her mom, I need you not to act like the correct response is for me to pretend that never hurts.”
Andrew swallowed.
“I’ve done that.”
“Yes.”
“Because I’m afraid if I validate your hurt, it means asking Sophie to call you something she doesn't owe you.”
Caroline stared.
“Those are not the only options.”
“I know now.”
“Good.”
He looked toward the door.
“What do we do tonight?”
Caroline thought.
“I apologize to Sophie.”
“You talk to Margaret tomorrow.”
“Not tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because you are angry.”
“So?”
“So your family has enough adults using children as delivery systems.”
Andrew stopped.
She was right.
He hated that.
“Tomorrow.”
he agreed.
Caroline stood.
Then froze.
“What did the video say?”
Andrew looked at her.
“About the necklace?”
“Yes.”
He told her.
Hannah telling Sophie the locket was hers.
Hannah telling her she could hold it when she was scared of forgetting.
Hannah telling her if it was ever lost, she had not lost her mother.
Caroline started crying again.
Andrew stood.
She raised one hand.
“Not yet.”
He stopped.
Caroline laughed through tears.
“Of course she said the exact thing we all needed before we ruined it.”
Andrew smiled sadly.
“She was annoyingly good at that.”
Caroline looked at him.
There.
One of those sentences.
Normally it would hurt.
This time it did not.
Maybe because Andrew said we.
Not she.
Not Mom.
Not saint.
We ruined it.
Caroline wiped her face.
“Come on.”
They found Sophie sitting on her bedroom rug.
The locket lay inside her open palm.
She had not put it around her neck.
Andrew noticed.
So did Caroline.
Caroline sat on the floor several feet away.
“Sophie.”
The child looked at her.
No smile.
“Can I say something?”
Sophie shrugged.
“That means yes or no?”
“Yes.”
Caroline nodded.
“I was wrong to say you could not have the necklace because you were upset.”
Sophie stared.
“I was also wrong to keep holding it after you told me it belonged to you.”
Sophie’s fingers closed around the locket.
Caroline continued.
“I did not know Grandma showed you your mom’s video.”
“I did not know your mom told you the necklace was yours.”
“But even without knowing that, I should have slowed down.”
Sophie looked toward Andrew.
Then back.
“You pushed me.”
Caroline took a breath.
“I do not think I pushed you.”
Sophie’s face hardened.