Did she not? About wanting Chelsea and me to get back together. Savannah looked down at her hands, twisting them in her lap. She was so excited, she whispered. She said she prays for it every night.
Every single night, Derek, she wants her parents back together more than anything in the world. Her voice broke. She deserves that, Derek. She deserves a complete family. Both her parents loving each other, living together, after everything she has been through with the divorce.
She deserves that fairy tale ending. And what about what you deserve? The question hung in the air between them. That does not matter," Savannah said quietly. "I am not I do not have any right to stop. " Derek's voice was firm.
He reached out and took her hands in his, holding them tightly. "Stop right there. Look at me, Savannah. Please. " She raised her eyes to his. Tears spilled down her cheeks.
Chelsea and I are not getting back together, Derek said slowly, making sure every word landed. We are not in love. We have not been in love for years. Moving to the same city does not change that fundamental truth. But she wants to try again.
She mentioned it as a possibility. Derek corrected. And I have not seriously considered it for even a single second, not one. He took a breath, struggling to find the right words. Chelsea and I do not belong together, Savannah.
We never really did. We were 22 when we got married. We were in love with the idea of love, with the dream of what we thought marriage should look like. But we were not compatible as life partners. We wanted different things.
We still do. But Lily, Lily is 7 years old. Derek's voice was gentle but firm. She has fantasies about fairy tale endings where everyone lives happily ever after in the same house. But that is not reality, Savannah.
And more importantly, that is not what is best for her. He squeezed her hands. Chelsea and I can both be excellent parents to Lily without being married to each other. Lily will understand that as she gets older. She will understand that sometimes the best thing for everyone is to be honest about what works and what does not.
Savannah shook her head, tears falling faster now. You do not understand, she whispered. I know what it is like to want your family back. To pray for it every night, to believe that if you just hope hard enough, her voice shattered. I would give anything anything to have my parents back, to have Kennedy back, to sit at a table with them one more time and hear my dad's terrible jokes and watch my mom steal bites of everyone's food and listen to Kennedy talk about whatever animal she had rescued that week.
She was sobbing now, the words pouring out between gasps. I cannot take that from Lily. I cannot be the reason she does not get her family back. I cannot. I am not worth.
You are worth it. Derek's voice cracked with emotion. He pulled her into his arms and she collapsed against his chest. Months of suppressed feelings, finally breaking free. You are worth everything, Savannah.
Everything. He held her tightly, one hand cradling the back of her head, the other wrapped around her waist. I am not finished, he murmured into her hair. There is something else I need to tell you. Something I should have told you weeks ago.
He pulled back just enough to look into her eyes. These past four months have been the happiest months of my life since my divorce. Not because of convenience or circumstance. Because of you. Savannah's breath caught.
Because you make me laugh in ways I forgot I could. Because you see the world through this lens that fascinates me. Because you are kind and resilient and real and beautiful. His voice dropped to barely above a whisper. Because when I am with you, everything feels right in a way it never ever felt with Chelsea.
Tears were streaming down Savannah's face, but she did not look away. You are not standing in the way of anything, Savannah. You are not an obstacle to my family. Derek cupped her face in his hands. You are my family.
You have been since that day you asked to share our table. Derek Lily loves you. She asks about you every day. She drew you into her picture of our family Savannah. Not as a visitor, as one of us.
He took a shaky breath. And I love you. The words hung in the air, electric and terrifying and true. I am in love with you. I have been for weeks, maybe months, and I think I hope you might feel the same way.
For a long moment, Savannah just stared at him. Then she let out a sound that was half laugh, half sobb. I do, she whispered. I have been falling in love with you since you sang happy birthday to a complete stranger and made her feel seen for the first time in 2 years. She pressed her forehead against his.
But I was so scared. I thought I was being selfish. I could not let myself hope that you Derek kissed her. It was soft and gentle and full of months of unspoken longing. Full of all the words he had been too afraid to say and all the feelings she had been too afraid to feel.
When they pulled apart, both of them were crying. "You are allowed to hope," Derek murmured, his hands, still cupping her face. "You are allowed to want things. You are allowed to be loved, Savannah. You are allowed to be happy. " I love you, she said, and the words came out like they had been waiting years to be spoken.
I love you so much. And I love Lily. Her voice wavered. But I am scared of what? Of messing this up.
Of you realizing I am not enough. Of Lily resenting me for not being her mother. Of losing everything again. Of Derek kissed her again, cutting off the spiral of fears. "You are enough," he said firmly when they parted.
"You are more than enough, and we will figure everything out together. " Chelsea moving back the new custody arrangement. All of it. But please, his voice cracked. Please do not pull away from us again. Do not leave us.
We need you. Savannah clutched his shirt like a lifeline. I will not leave, she promised. I am so sorry I tried to. I am so sorry.
You do not have to apologize. He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her eyelids. You were trying to do what you thought was right. That is who you are. That is one of the reasons I love you.
They held each other for a long time, the Portland rain continuing its steady rhythm against the window, washing away fear and doubt, leaving only truth. The next morning, Derek sat Lily down at their kitchen table for the most important conversation of their lives. It was early. Sunlight streamed through the windows, catching the dust moes floating in the air. Lily was still in her pajamas, eating toast with the jelly that was somehow getting on everything except the bread.