It was the second person in three days to tell me they were going to say two things. I was starting to understand it was how adults told you the floor was gone without making you fall through it all at once.
* * *
I called Mr. Hale back on Friday. This time I had a notebook open on my knee and a list of questions, because that's the only way I know how to be afraid.
He'd been expecting me, I think. He didn't make me explain twice.
"I want to tell you what's possible and what isn't," he said, "and I want to be straight with you, because I suspect people have not been straight with you lately. Is that all right?"
"Yes sir."
"First thing. A lot of students in your situation ask about what's called a dependency override. That's where we treat you as independent of your parents, and we build your aid without their income. I can do those. I've done a lot of them. But the federal rules are very specific, and so are ours. Abuse, abandonment, a parent who's incarcerated or can't be located. A parent who is able to contribute and chooses not to, or who has made decisions the student disagrees with, even very bad decisions, that doesn't qualify. I'm sorry. I know that's hard to hear."
"So I'm their kid when it comes to the money," I said, "and not when it comes to the money."
"That is an extremely accurate summary of federal financial aid policy," he said, and I laughed for the first time in days, a horrible little laugh like a hiccup.
"Second thing. Your parents' income doesn't change because the account is empty. The formula still expects about fifty-four thousand dollars a year from your family, now, after the recalculation. If they're not going to pay it, and it sounds like they can't, then you'd be looking at private loans in your own name with a cosigner, and you'd need a cosigner, and they'd be the obvious cosigner."
"I'm not asking them to cosign anything."
"I figured. Third thing, and this is the one I actually want you to hear." He paused. "Vanderbilt allows admitted students to request a one-year deferral. A gap year. You'd keep your spot. You'd come in fall of next year with the same class standing. During that year your family situation may change, your aid can be reassessed, and anything you earn or win in outside scholarships can be applied. I'm not saying that's what you should do. I'm saying that door exists and the deadline to ask is May fifteenth."