Number One:
Trash cans were to be placed by the curb no sooner than 10:00 PM and removed no later than 8:00 AM. Suddenly, I gained 17 trash cans, which I graciously allowed other people to use and even keep near their houses for convenience. However, should someone accidentally leave my trash can at the pickup point, nobody could be fined. Three infractions to go.
Number Two:
Due to terrible wording, it was not allowed for collective members to organize a party outside after 9:00 PM. I suddenly became extremely outgoing. I organized at least one party every other week, going so far as to use other people's backyards for them. Being a terrible host, I wasn't even present for most of the parties I organized. Two infractions to go.
Number Three:
I suddenly became a pet owner after one of the neighbors was told dogs are not allowed to weigh over 10 kilograms. I became the proud owner—that is to say, the dog still belonged to him in every way except on paper—of a Great Dane. I really only saw the dog when its caretaker took him on walks, but still. One infraction to go, and it had to be a good one.
Number Four:
I got a call from a debt collection agency saying I failed to pay my collective bill on time. I had to pay some tiny amount plus a big fine. I told them that if they could provide me with proof of a contract, I would gladly pay. They promised to get back to me. Two infractions to go.
Number Five:
Since all major garden work had to be contracted to a "registered gardener," my husband started a one-man gardening business. Since "registered" wasn't defined anywhere, we opted for a 12-euro entry in the phone book—and yes, they still exist. Business was lousy, though; he only ever took jobs that yielded zero profit. Even though the subcontracted labor was not profitable, he always managed to find local workers willing to take the job. Generally, they lived in the very house where the work was taking place. Talk about good management! One infraction left to go.
Number Six:
That collection agency sent me a letter with a copy of a contract signed by me. Well, signed by someone who used my husband's last name and my first initial, which was rather odd since I never took his last name. I was about to rip it up when I realized that forging a signature is an actual crime. Yay!
I called the debt collection agency, explained that it was not my signature, emailed them my real signature, and they dropped it after some back-and-forth and another in-person visit.
Now, unfortunately, I'm not a lawyer. Fortunately, one of my new neighbors was, and he was extremely motivated. So, with charges of harassment, fraud, and a slew of others, we went to court.
It took all of ten minutes after the judge read the evidence. Basically, we had a solid case because we had a real lawyer, while the board of the collective was defended by the president, a professional manicurist, who argued: "Look at the rules she broke! There's this rule, and this one, and this one!"
To which the judge simply replied: "But you forged her signature. She's not a member."
"But she broke so many rules!"
Repeat twice more, and bang went the gavel.
The collective was fined heavily and ordered to pay a ton of damages to me and one other non-member. Of course, since this was not actually an authorized HOA, they didn't have much money in reserves and were thus forced to disband, with the personal fines falling directly onto the board members.
Thus ended the Collective of Inhabitants, and there was much rejoicing.
My only regret is that I still had another infraction I wanted to commit.
HOA Being Difficult Because I Host Support Group Meetings in My Own Home in Massachusetts
For the last eighteen years, I've been a member and organizer of a support group for trauma survivors. The room we were using for our meetings in the nearby church was recently flooded and badly damaged, and I have not been able to find another suitable room for our meetings due to the pandemic.
Not wanting the group members to be deprived of an important resource, I decided to host some meetings in my basement or in a secluded area of my garden with a reduced numb