I told her that was a terrible reason to make a decision and that whatever she did should be because she genuinely wanted it, not because she had heard a story from two relatives.
Jessica told me her previous experiences with men her own age had been disappointing and that she wanted to make her own choice. We talked about it for a long time. Eventually, we stopped for the night.
Once again, everything that happened was between consenting adults. I was old enough to know the age difference made the situation complicated, and I should probably have exercised better judgment, but in the emotional condition I was in, restraint had stopped being one of my strengths.
We stayed at the motel until shortly before Jessica's dorm check-in deadline the next day. I helped carry her bags inside. She gave me her number, kissed me, and told me not to become a stranger.
"You've spoiled me," she said. "Guys my age are going to have a hard time measuring up now."
I drove away feeling better than I had any right to feel, then checked into a motel near Ypsilanti for the night.
The following morning, I stopped for breakfast and arrived at Dawson and Sons just as the doors opened at eight. I still had keys, but using them felt wrong after everything that had happened, so I waited.
George, the security guard, opened the door and smiled.
"Welcome back."
At reception, Glenda jumped from her chair, ran around the desk, and hugged me.
"Thank God you're back. Maybe now we can get things sorted out."
"Is Mom here?"
"In her office."
Mom looked up when I entered.
"It's about time you showed up. There's a huge stack of work on your desk that needs attention."
"I haven't decided if I'm staying."
"Nonsense. You can't solve your problems by driving around the country forever. You're needed here. Start with the stack. We'll talk at lunch."
She was right about one thing: the stack was real. I sat down and started working through it.
Around 12:30, Mom took me to Pegasus for lunch. After we ordered, she asked whether I had been home yet.
"No. I stayed at a motel."
"Why?"
"Because Sonia is there."
"You're going to have to face her eventually."
I stared at her.
"Why are you so determined to make me deal with her? After what she did with your husband, I would think you'd be the last person asking me to sympathize with her."
Mom took a breath.
"Because I want my Robbie back. And you won't get yourself back until you know what actually happened. You have questions whether you admit it or not. Why did she do it?
How long did it go on? Was there something you missed? Were your father and brother the only ones? You need answers if you ever want closure."
I hated that she made sense.
The rest of the afternoon, I worked while those questions ran circles in my head. My experiences on the road had restored some confidence, but they had not answered the only question that mattered: why had Sonia chosen my father and brother?
At 5:30, I left the office. At the exit, I could turn toward the motel or toward home.
I took a breath and turned toward home.
Sonia's car was in the garage. I sat outside for several minutes before finally telling myself to move.
As I reached for the front door, it opened. Sonia stood there, and the moment she saw me, she threw herself against me crying.
"You're okay. Thank God you're okay."
For a second, I froze. Then anger returned and I pushed her gently away.
"Why did you do that?" she cried. "I love you."
"You love me, but you were sleeping with my father and brother. I can't imagine what you'd do if you hated me."
"You don't understand. I had to."
I laughed without humor.
"You had to? Fine. Sit at the kitchen table. I'm going to pour a drink because I'm clearly going to need one."
I came back with whiskey over ice and sat opposite her.
"Mom convinced me I had to listen. So talk."
Sonia started with Karen's birthday party seven months earlier, a party I had missed because I was traveling for work.
I remembered telling her to go without me. Cindy had been away caring for her sick mother, so David was at the party alone.
According to Sonia, David had hovered around her all evening, pretending to keep an eye on her because I was gone. At some point, someone tampered with one of her drinks. Sonia believed a man named Kyle Barger might have been involved because he had been hanging around her, but she was never certain.
David noticed she was disoriented and took her home.
What happened next, according to Sonia, began as an assault. She said she was too impaired to consent and that David took advantage of her. My father arrived later during one of his routine check-ins, saw what was happening, and instead of stopping it, recorded photographs and joined in.
Sonia said she had only fragmentary awareness that night. She remembered pieces: David getting her home, waking and fading again, then gradually becoming aware that more than one person had been in the bedroom. She said her body had been responding even while her judgment was impaired, which later became the source of nearly unbearable shame because the photographs captured expressions and reactions without capturing the condition she had been in.
By the following day, David came back terrified she would tell me or Cindy what he had done. My father arrived too and showed Sonia the photographs he had taken. He used them as leverage, telling her that if she kept him satisfied, I would never see images that could be made to look like proof she had welcomed everything that happened.
"He told me if I cooperated, you'd never see them," Sonia said. "The pictures didn't look like someone being forced. They looked like someone participating. I panicked. I thought if you saw them, you'd never believe me."