You're boring. You're always at work. I needed excitement. I needed more than this. Gestured around at our house, the house I'd bought, that I paid the mortgage on, that had her Pinterest-perfect decorating that I'd funded.

I looked at her, really looked at her, this person I'd promised forever to, who'd apparently decided 4 months ago that forever was negotiable if someone more exciting came along. "Then go live your best life." I said. Walked to the garage, grabbed my toolbox, came back, started unscrewing the deadbolt on the front door. "What are you doing?"

"Changing the locks." "You can't kick me out. I live here." "You live here because I pay for it. House is in my name, you remember?

When we bought it, you said the mortgage would stress you out too much, so you wanted to keep things simple." Her face went pale. She'd forgotten about that. Had a new lock set I'd bought months ago during a sale, never got around to installing. Perfect timing, honestly.

She went from screaming to begging to silent to trying to call her affair partner over and over while I worked. He never answered. New lock was in before dinner time. Her bags by the door. "You can take your stuff now."

"I have nowhere to go." "Sounds like a you problem. You had somewhere until about an hour ago." She tried her key in the new lock. Didn't work, obviously.

Started pounding on the door after I shut it in her face. "You can't do that. Open the door." Texted her through the door. "Your stuff stays on the porch overnight.

Tomorrow it goes to Goodwill. Figure it out." Turned my phone completely off. Made myself dinner. Ate it in peace while she pounded and screamed outside for a solid hour before finally giving up.

Okay, so it's been about a week and I need to update because this has gone completely off the rails. That first night, I'm not going to lie, I sat there thinking maybe I went too far. Eight years of marriage ended in an afternoon. But then I kept replaying her face on that video call. The way she'd hidden it from me.

Four months of lies while I worked myself half to death. Checked the porch the next morning. Stuff was gone. Found out from my neighbor, who's been eating this drama up with a spoon, that her best friend picked her up around midnight. She'd apparently sat out there crying the entire time.

The phone calls started immediately. Not from her number, but from everyone she knew. Her sister hit me up with about 40 texts. How could you? She's destroyed.

One mistake and you throw away eight years? Marriage is supposed to be work. You're a terrible person. Sent back one message. She didn't make one mistake.

She made a choice every single day for four months to lie to my face. We're done. Her sister called me everything but a child of God. Blocked her. Then my wife started the phone number rotation.

Called me from like 15 different numbers. Friends, family, random numbers I'm pretty sure were from the Target checkout. Finally picked up one. What? Baby, please, can we just talk?

Face-to-face? No. I'm crashing on my friend's couch. I can't live like this. Should have thought of that before you decided being alive was more important than being faithful.

You're being cruel. I made a mistake. You made four months of mistakes. I'm just done cleaning them up. We can go to counseling.

I'll do anything. Anything. I want a divorce. She went completely silent. Then, you don't mean that.

Lawyer's already drawing up papers. You'll get served soon. I won't sign them. You will eventually. Just depends how much money you want to waste on lawyers.

Hung up. Blocked that number. Few days later, got an unexpected visitor at work. Her mother showed up at my office building making a scene in the lobby until security called me down. "You need to take my daughter back."

she screeched the second she saw me. Not happening. She made one mistake, one. "Don't you believe in forgiveness?" She made about 120 mistakes, one for each day she lied to me for 4 months.

"Men cheat all the time and their wives forgive them." Cool, she can find one of those guys. I'm not available. Her mom got right in my face. "She gave you her youth, the best years of her life."

And I gave her financial stability, paid off her debt, and supported every random career change she wanted. I'd say we're even. "You're going to regret this. You'll never find anyone else. You're going to die alone."

Maybe, but I'll die alone with my dignity intact and my bank account not drained by someone who thinks excitement is more important than loyalty. Security started walking over. Her mom realized she was about to get escorted out. "She's my baby. How can you be so heartless?"

Your baby cheated on me and then blamed me for working too much. She's 35 years old. She can handle consequences. She left screaming about what a monster I was. My boss actually saw the whole thing from the second floor, called me up to his office, thought I was in trouble.

Instead, "That your ex-mother-in-law?" Unfortunately. "My sympathies. Take the afternoon, go decompress. And hey, for what it's worth, you're handling this better than I did when my ex pulled similar."

Found a letter taped to my door when I got home, from my wife. Six pages of apologies, explanations, promises. Not once did she actually take responsibility. Everything was either it didn't mean anything or he pursued me or you were never home or I felt neglected. Threw it away without finishing it.

My lawyer called a couple days after that. "Heads up, your wife's not making this easy. She's asking for half of everything." She contributed nothing. House is in my name, no joint accounts.

Doesn't matter. 8 years of marriage, she's entitled to something. Looking at maybe 20 to 30% of marital assets. Made me want to puke. She destroys everything and still gets a cut, but that's how it works apparently.