Our resort served a beautiful self-service breakfast buffet every morning. It was not the small spread usually found at a mid-range hotel; it was a genuinely high-end service, maintained by two hostesses who kept everything stocked, fresh, and supplied with full coffee urns. We hosted weddings almost every weekend, so we were used to wedding parties trying to stretch the benefits attached to a few booked rooms. Usually, when registered guests wanted relatives to join them, we explained that the buffet was free only for hotel guests, but others could pay an additional five dollars per person, which was still an excellent deal for the food provided.
One weekend, however, the situation became far more extreme. An employee had booked the wedding venue for a cousin and had already received an employee discount on the event. She then tried to book three rooms at the employee rate, even though she would not be staying in any of them because she lived locally and wanted the rooms for visiting relatives. Management explained that the employee discount applied to only one room and only if she herself was staying in it, which made her angry.
After being denied the extra discounts, the employee told the visiting family that the hotel breakfast buffet was free for everyone connected to the wedding, not just registered guests. On the first morning of their three-day stay, about thirty relatives came into the breakfast area and immediately began helping themselves. Only six of them were actually registered at the hotel. When the hostesses explained the five-dollar charge for everyone else, the group refused and insisted that free meant free.
The situation quickly turned into a feeding frenzy. People began carrying away entire platters rather than taking individual servings. They used plastic bags they had apparently brought with them, emptied bowls of fresh fruit into those bags, and hurried away. In less than ten minutes, they completely destroyed and emptied the buffet.
They took full crystal pitchers of juice and milk, the entire coffee urn, containers of sugar, and nearly everything else that was not physically attached to the counter. The hostesses and front-desk staff struggled to replenish the buffet while other guests waited patiently for breakfast. Management contacted the wedding coordinator and the general manager, documenting the destruction with photographs and video.
The general manager arrived furious and ordered the employee to come in immediately. When she arrived, she launched into a rant about how the buffet should have been free to everyone and complained again that the hotel had refused to give her discounted rooms. The manager told her to bring the six registered guests to the office, but she refused.
He then called each guest directly. At first, all six claimed not to speak English and began shouting in another language. Unfortunately for them, the general manager spoke that language fluently. With only three hours remaining before the wedding, he informed all six that they could stay through the ceremony and reception that day, but their second and third nights were canceled.
Eventually, the crowd settled enough for the wedding to continue, but the hotel staff endured verbal abuse from members of the wedding party throughout the day and evening. The following morning, the guests were fully aware that they had to leave. The general manager had allowed them to remain only through the wedding day, and they were no longer welcome afterward.
The manager added every fee he could legally document to the room accounts, including the additional buffet charges, missing property, cleaning expenses, smoking penalties for non-smoking rooms, and damage. Each of the six registered guests ended up with more than $1,700 in room charges. They were also placed on every local do-not-rent list the staff could access, making future family visits to the area considerably more difficult.
Before finally leaving, the group made one last trip through the breakfast area and wiped out the buffet a second time. The hotel gave restaurant vouchers to the other guests who had arrived expecting breakfast. Staff members were sent to several stores, some as far as sixty miles away, to restock supplies before Sunday morning, when the hotel would again be full because of another wedding.
The guests disputed all additional charges, but the hotel had extensive video evidence. The recordings showed both attacks on the buffet, the condition of the rooms, alcohol damage, smoking in non-smoking rooms, food smeared across surfaces, and numerous unregistered people apparently staying in the booked rooms. Several rooms remained out of service for two days because of the mess they left behind.
The Only Time I Ever Cried at Work
We will call her Ava. The first time I met her, I understood why she was using our medical discount rate. Many people stayed with us while receiving treatment at the nearby hospital, but the scarf covering Ava’s head made her situation immediately clear. She was only about five feet tall, so the twenty or thirty pounds she had lost during chemotherapy was a significant amount of weight.
Despite that, there was a remarkable vitality in her. Looking at her, you might not have guessed how much pain she endured from the treatment she underwent repeatedly while trying to outlast cancer. For the first year and a half that I worked at the front desk, Ava came into town every few weeks with her mother because the hospital had an excellent oncology department.
Sometimes she was more energetic than I was. Other times, her mother practically had to carry her through the lobby. Once, I offered her the wheelchair we kept in the bell closet, but she declined it. Then one day, I noticed that her reservation had been canceled as a no-show, and after that there was nothing.
A few weeks later, a large group of about fifteen people entered the lobby together. They told me they had reservations, and I asked for the last name. From somewhere in the middle of the group, I heard Ava’s voice as she pushed her way toward the desk.
At first, I was completely confused. Something about her looked very different, but I could not immediately identify what it was. Then it clicked.
“Oh,” I said. “You have hair.”
Her family laughed, and I began checking everyone into their rooms. I told Ava how good it was to see her and asked what they were celebrating.
“We’re celebrating,” she said, then announced that she was in remission.
It took me a moment to understand. “For real?” I asked.
She did not answer with words. She nodded rapidly, wearing an enormous smile.
I told the other desk clerk to take over, walked into the back office, and cried like a baby as soon as I was out of sight. By the time I composed myself and returned to the front desk, most of the family had already started toward their rooms. I stopped Ava before she left.
I grabbed a stack of our happy-hour drink coupons, wrote my initials on them, and handed them to her. “This weekend is on me,” I said.
I nearly lost my job because I had given away several hundred dollars’ worth of drinks from the hotel bar. I did not care. If someone made death blink first, I wanted her to have one unforgettable celebration.
Ava did not return for a long time after that. When she finally did, she was not wearing a scarf. That was the only time I ever cried at work.
How to Get Rid of an HOA
A good friend of mine inherited his grandparents’ house about four years ago. He decided to live there while considering what to do with it because he had grown up in the house and did not really want to sell it. Less than a week after he moved in, a neighborhood committee came to the door.
Three people introduced themselves as the board members of the homeowners association and said they had come so he could sign the membership papers. They were extremely nosy and rude. One of them tried to walk directly into the garage without even asking permission.
When my friend stopped him and asked where he thought he was going, the board member replied, “I need to inspect your garage and make sure everything is in order. I have the right to do this every two weeks. Denying me access is an offense that carries a fine.”
That was enough for my friend. He ordered all three of them out of the house. As they left, one board member shoved documents toward his face and told him he needed to sign them immediately because he had already lived there for a week, even though the papers supposedly had to be signed before moving in.
After they were gone, my friend read the documents. The HOA rules were absurd. They claimed the right to inspect residents’ homes every two weeks and check whether garages were being used for storage, whether gasoline was kept in approved containers, and whether any other supposed violation existed.
Residents were required to mow their lawns every week. During snowfall, sidewalks had to be shoveled every two hours beginning at five in the morning. No more than one car could be parked on the property unless the additional vehicles were inside the garage. The documents contained many more rules of the same kind.
A few days later, the board returned and demanded to know why he had not signed. They again attempted to inspect the garage. This time, he would not even allow them into the house and told them he would never join their ridiculous club.
To the HOA board, that declaration meant war. Within a week, they sent him fines totaling more than $1,000. Several were for denying them access to his home, each carrying a $250 penalty. My friend did not take the notices seriously and used the letters to help start the fire in his grill.
Then the board went far beyond letters. One day, he came home and found one of the board members standing inside his garage, writing notes on a pad. The man had broken into the building.
That was not even the worst part. Two beautiful oak trees stood in front of the house. His great-grandparents had planted them as newlyweds when they first moved into the home, using seeds they had brought from their original country.
The HOA had hired a preferred tree service to remove both trees. By the time my friend arrived, one tree had already been destroyed down to a bare trunk. The crew had only just begun cutting the second.
He ordered them to stop immediately and explained that he owned the property and had never authorized the work. The crew members said the HOA board had told them the trees violated neighborhood rules because too many leaves fell into a neighbor’s yard. They also claimed the owner had approved their removal.
The HOA actually had a bylaw stating that if a garden produced more than a 140-liter sack of leaves within two weeks, the owner had to remove the offending tree within another two weeks. My friend explained that this private rule did not give them the right to enter his property and destroy trees without permission.
He offered not to pursue the tree workers for trespassing if they agreed to testify about who had hired them and what they had been told. Then he called the police on the board members for trespassing and breaking and entering. They had used a bolt cutter to remove the heavy bicycle lock from the garage after failing twice before to gain access.
The trial was devastating for the HOA. The board had to compensate him for the destroyed oak, which was valued at more than $50,000, and pay for the damage to the second tree. He hired a professional arborist to treat and preserve it, which alone cost nearly $1,000.
The board still insisted that the original judgment was unfair and tried to fight it, adding an estimated ten to fifteen thousand dollars in legal fees and court costs. Altogether, the first case cost the HOA more than $120,000.
My friend then filed a civil suit for emotional harm. He explained how much the trees meant to him because his great-grandparents had planted them with seeds from their homeland. He also described how threatened he felt after repeated attempts by board members to enter his house and garage, and how he struggled to sleep because he feared they would break in again.
The court awarded him $500,000 plus the cost of a state-of-the-art alarm system so he could feel secure in his own home. In total, his legal actions cost the HOA close to $750,000. The association had to file for bankruptcy and appoint an outside person to examine its finances and ensure he was paid.
The financial review exposed something even worse. The three board members had been defrauding the HOA for more than ten years. They issued as many fines as possible and diverted the money to supplement their own income.
Most residents had never wanted the HOA. The board had effectively forced people to sign membership contracts by claiming participation was mandatory and that anyone who moved in without signing would face a $500 fine. Of more than fifty members, only six had genuinely wanted the association, and residents suspected those six had received benefits for reporting their neighbors’ supposed violations.
After the board collapsed, my friend became one of the most popular people in the neighborhood. Neighbors regularly invited him to barbecues and other gatherings. By refusing to be bullied, he had not only protected his home but also ended an association that had controlled and exploited the community for years.
The Mother Who Promised Her Child My Gaming Laptop
I worked as a night auditor and front-desk associate at a hotel beside a lower mid-sized airport. Most nights were routine, and after completing the audit work I often used my personal gaming laptop to play quiet music, watch documentaries, or play games after about two in the morning. The laptop stayed behind the desk with me.
At around four one morning, a mother and her child entered the lobby after checking out. They were waiting for a 4:30 taxi to the airport. The boy noticed my laptop and asked about the make and model.
He was obviously impressed but remained polite. After that, he briefly tried the public computer in the lobby, but he became bored after only a couple of minutes. He whispered something to his mother, and she whispered back.
The child suddenly walked behind the front desk and began trying to use my laptop. I politely told him to stop touching it and return to the lobby side of the counter. To his credit, he obeyed immediately.
His mother, however, became furious. “I’m sitting here waiting for a taxi, and you cannot let my child entertain himself on your laptop?” she demanded. “I told him he could play on it until we leave.”
I explained that the laptop was my personal property and that guests were not permitted behind the front desk. The area contained private information belonging to other guests, so hotel policy prohibited anyone who was not an employee from entering it.
“He’s just a child,” she replied. “Let him have some fun while we wait for the taxi.”
I apologized for the delay but repeated that I could not allow non-employees behind the desk. I suggested changing the lobby television to something appropriate for him.
She asked why the public computer had no games. I explained that it was a standard Windows business-center computer intended for guests who needed to complete business tasks.
“Then you should install games on it,” she said. “If your hotel is going to host children, it should entertain them as well.”
Fortunately, the taxi arrived as she finished speaking. She gathered her child and luggage and stormed outside. A moment later, the taxi driver walked back into the lobby holding a receipt book and said we had promised to pay the fare.
That was completely false and contrary to hotel policy. The driver accepted my explanation without difficulty, but the mother came back inside and began another argument.
“Your website says you have a hotel shuttle,” she said. “If it isn’t running, I expect you to pay for our taxi.”
I explained that the airport shuttle operated only from 7:00 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. Outside those hours, guests were responsible for arranging and paying for their own transportation. The operating hours were listed on the website.
She argued that they had used the shuttle the previous afternoon. I confirmed that the shuttle was available then because it had been within the posted schedule. I apologized for any confusion, but I would not authorize payment for the taxi.
The mother swore at me, called me names, and threatened to contact my manager for several minutes. When she realized I would not change my answer, she stormed outside again. She and her child finally left in the taxi.
I remained baffled by her entitlement. She had promised her child access to someone else’s private computer, expected the hotel to provide games for him, and then attempted to force the hotel to pay for transportation outside the shuttle’s operating hours.
The Evil Clown Sister
This story concerns a difficult half-sister whom the narrator called the Evil Clown Sister. She had once lived in a mobile home given to her by her father, then sold it and moved in with the narrator’s parents because she did not want to pay lot rent and utilities. At the time, she was using synthetic cannabis and obtaining money from the elderly parents to buy it.
On one occasion, she used a large amount before going to sleep. The next morning, she called her eighty-year-old mother in hysterics and claimed she was dying. Instead of calling emergency services, she demanded that her mother come to the mobile home.
Her mother arrived and found that the woman had suffered a severe reaction during the night. She had become ill in the bed, across the floor, and along the path to the bathroom before ending up in the bathtub, crying. The situation was extremely unpleasant and unsanitary.
The eighty-year-old mother was then expected to clean the bed, carpet, floor, and bathroom. The narrator was appalled that an adult would call an elderly parent to clean up the consequences of drug use rather than seek medical care and deal with the mess herself. The incident became another example of why the half-sister had earned the nickname Evil Clown Sister.