My folks decided to host a barbecue because thatās what older people do. I declined because I really donāt like my two sisters, their husbands, or their kids. My wife and I are child-free. Mom then pressured my wife. Long story short, we went.
By the time we arrived there were about twenty people there. My sisters and their husbands were already solidly buzzed, drunk really. My mom was spending one hundred percent of her time trying to keep the nieces and nephews, ages seven to eleven, more or less under control. My dad had strategically retreated to the whirlpool part of the pool with a small cooler full of beers. My wife and I made small talk with miscellaneous people, ate food, and had a frozen margarita.
My sisters and their husbands took turns criticizing us for being late, not being in our swimsuits, and screwing up the vibe. It was a typical suburban summer get-together. About forty-five minutes in, two of the kids ran at one of the neighbor guests who was standing next to the pool and pushed her in. She was at the pool steps, stumbled in, but didnāt fall, so she only got half wet.
She was clearly very unhappy about it, but she didnāt make a scene. She just went over to where the parents were, grabbed their towels, dried herself off, and left. My sisters and their husbands thought it was all great fun. A bit later I was standing a few feet away from the pool chatting with someone when I saw three of the kids running full tilt at me from the corner of my eye.
Obviously I was next. Not that itās terribly difficult to outwit young kids, but I just jumped out of their way at the last second. All three of them ran straight into the pool at full speed. Most of the other guests, including my wife and me, started laughing, but their moms, who as I mentioned were pretty shitfaced, absolutely freaked out.
Apparently two of the kids couldnāt swim even though they were in swimsuits. Since I wasnāt in swim gear I stepped back from the pool and let other people fish the kids out. The kids were bawling their heads off like they lost a limb. At that point all hell broke loose. The four drunk parents were yelling at everyone in general and me in particular for nearly letting their kids drown.
They were also yelling because two of the kids had been videoing the trick using their parentsā iPhones, which were now at the bottom of the pool. One of my brothers-in-law got into the pool to try to retrieve the phones, but his BMI and BAC made that impossible. No one else volunteered to help, unsurprising given that my sisters were still bitching at everyone.
I told my sisters it was their job to watch their kids and that if anything had happened to them it would have been their responsibility, not mine. There were some pretty strong words on both sides. My wife and I left after the other brother-in-law fell over and face-planted while yelling at us. Now theyāre saying I should have let the little shits knock me into the pool and have their fun and ruin my phone.
My dad of course never got out of the whirlpool. I realized theyāre just kids and they were just having fun. The fact that they thought this was okay is more of a reflection on their parents than them. I just wish we hadnāt gone. Itās nice to see my folks and their neighbors, but I really, really donāt like my sisters or their husbands.
They donāt hide their envy of us and theyāre just exhausting to be around. Itās more of an oil-and-water sort of thing. Iāve never been close to my sisters. Theyāre eight and ten years older than me. I also donāt have much in common with their husbands. Theyāre okay guys, but I just donāt give a crap about the things that are important to them and vice versa.
I do know that the four of them are somewhat envious of our lifestyle. Both sisters are stay-at-home moms. Both husbands make good money. One makes noticeably more than I do. But both my wife and I have professional careers. We donāt have kids and weāre way more responsible with money.
As a result we have a lot more investments and we donāt have to drive cars full of kid debris and we take nice trips once or twice a year. It definitely grates on both sisters and by extension their husbands. So we get some petty behavior from them on an ongoing basis. Overall neither my wife nor I enjoy their company, which is why I wanted to skip the get-together.
Itās just not worth it to me. But my wife is a positive person and is usually happy to see them. My dadās very chill. He loves being around groups of people, used to be in sales, likes people to enjoy themselves, and is definitely enjoying life as a retiree. He and two other guys with him just sat there and watched the show.
Momās cool too, but the situation upset her. The kids are fine. By the time I left they were inside watching TV. I think theyāre seven, nine, ten, ten, and eleven. It was the middle three who played kamikaze with me. Iām guessing the eleven-year-old egged them on. Sheās usually the ringleader.
My folks are gregarious and like to have people over. They have the classic great-for-entertaining house and are always coming up with a reason to get together. Theyād wanted everyone to be at their place for the Fourth of July, but one of my sisters and her family were on vacation, so this was a fake Fourth of July party complete with flags, red-white-and-blue decorations, barbecue, a margarita machine, etc. Sparklers were promised to the kids.
My nieces and nephews were the only kids there. All of the neighbors are older like my parents. Almost one month later my folks tell me that my nieces and nephews are all good swimmers and that they use the pool all the time. The seven-year-old is still a beginner but he loves the water. My sister just said they couldnāt swim so sheād look bad.
To be fair none of the kids are allowed in the deep end, which is where they fell in. It was the two ten-year-olds and the nine-year-old who tried to push me into the pool. After we left the party ended on a pretty sour note. My drunk brother-in-law who face-planted while yelling at me had to go to an urgent care place and get his face stitched up.
She and dad were in the chat. I donāt blame her. Because of the texts my folks insisted my sisters and brothers-in-law come over the next day, Sunday, without their kids to get some things straight and lay down some ground rules. Momās wording. The result was a contrite if unenthusiastic apology from the siblings via my momās phone.
Iām glad my wife was with me when they called. Her hard stares kept me from saying what I wanted to. I just told them thanks and that we felt no need to discuss it further. Since I thought things were settled I unblocked them. That evening I got a text from one of the brothers-in-law telling me the phones cost dollars for and asking when Iād be paying for them.
WTF. I replied never, took a screenshot of his text, and forwarded it to my folks with a note that we were done with this nonsense. Weāre going no contact with sisters and spouses and not to invite us to any more holidays or get-togethers if theyāll be present. Then I blocked the sisters and their spouses again.
At that point the shit really hit the fan. Dad called them and ripped them a new one. Among other things he told them the grandkids were not welcome at his place indefinitely since my mom regularly provides free babysitting. That got them pretty rattled. He also banned them from using the vacation house and told them my wife and I actually own it, not he and mom.
This completely freaked them out. Both of my sistersā families use the place a lot, including having their friends up for weekend getaways. This was very much out of character for my folks. They clearly had it. For reference I never wanted my sisters to know we own the place.
We bought it for my folks. Theyād always wanted a place in the mountains. Keeping the ownership quiet was just a way to avoid drama with my siblings. A couple of days later my sisters and their husbands came to our place unannounced to apologize in person. We were out to dinner and they left a note.
One sister also called me at work too. I sent her to voicemail. Weāve decided being no contact is the best thing for the indefinite future and havenāt interacted with them for the last three plus weeks. Personally Iām done. They can go pound sand.
Itās been less than a month but I have to say that blocking them has actually made our lives noticeably more peaceful. I hadnāt realized how much ongoing low-level drama they create. Itās not tough toxic. Theyāre not bad people. Theyāre just tiresome and petty.
I personally donāt care about them using the weekend place. Itās ours technically but we bought it for my folks. They control it and decide who uses it when. They arenāt us. We pay for all the operating costs and taxes. One good thing about this blowup is that we now know what weāll be doing with the property when my folks get older.
I was prepared to take over managing it, allocating weekends, maintaining it and such, but now we know weāll just sell it. And if we want to go to the mountains weāll just rent an Airbnb. My folks arenāt dumb. Theyāre pretty laid-back though, very much live-and-let-live.
I figure theyāll ease up on all of this soon, but thatās their decision. We still wonāt be attending any family events for the foreseeable future. What sucks for my sisters is that theyāre probably very worried that Iāll keep them from using the cabin. I wonāt. Thatās up to mom and dad.
Until they are older and it puts an end to one of the sistersā fantasy of building a compound of houses when we inherit the property, which Iāve known about for some time and I just ignored. Normally the lots up there only have one area that can be built on, but this piece of property is way larger because itās at the end of a road.
At least three houses with great views could be placed on that land. Theyāre not genuinely sorry. They just want things from you. I agree completely. Their apologies arenāt sincere and I have no plans to interact with them anytime soon. Regarding them using the vacation home, thatās really my parentsā decision.
Yes, technically I own it and cover all the expenses, but I bought it for them and gave them day-to-day control over it. Theyāre good people and they always wanted a getaway place for the family, but thereās no way they could have ever bought it themselves. I could afford to buy it for them because Iāve been fortunate financially, save, invest like a demon, plus I got a massive bonus the same year I sold my home and moved in with my now wife.
I donāt care if my folks let my siblings use the house, but I will admit Iām enjoying my sistersā discomfort over finding out that I could afford to buy the place and let my folks use it while never mentioning it to them. Dad changed the lock code when they went up last week so now only he, mom, my wife, and I have it.
With regards to mom babysitting the kids, she tells me that once a week she and sometimes dad have been going over to each sisterās place and spending the day with the kids. When school started sheās going to pick each set up from school once a week on separate days and take them home, spend the evening with them.
She says the five of them together stress her out but separately theyāre fine. Mom and dad have both told me they donāt plan on having my sisters and their families back to their place in the foreseeable future and that theyāre enjoying the quiet. My guess is that they were already tired of the old dynamic and used the pool party nonsense as an excuse to make some changes to the relationships.
Well itās been an interesting last few days. I thought the shit had hit the fan before but it was more of a fart compared to whatās happened this week. For this to make sense I need to provide some financial context. My folks havenāt ever been any good at saving money.
Iāve been doing their taxes for years so I know pretty much everything about them money-wise. Their house is paid for and they have minimal debt, but they didnāt save much for retirement. Both of them get Social Security. Dad gets a solid pension and they have a bit of savings, but thereās no treasure chest in the basement.
I bought their current car for them after they retired, a retirement present so they could have something nice to drive. It was the first car in probably twenty years they didnāt lease. My sisters are convinced the folks are dripping with money and that our parents will be leaving the two of them everything since I donāt need more money.
So theyāve never cared about saving either. Turns out my oldest sister and her husband, they have three kids, have been living beyond their means for some time and are in financial straits. Theyāve maxed out their credit cards and are behind on their car leases to the point that one is about to get repossessed.
He bragged in the past about making X per year but it turns out to be about half that. She confessed all this to mom on Tuesday because they need a loan. And because, and this was a WTF moment for mom and dad, that for the last three years instead of staying at the vacation house regularly sheās actually been renting it out once a month or so and pocketing the cash.
Weāre talking two thousand plus for a weekend and at least four thousand for a week. With her being cut off from using the place sheās had to cancel one group already. Sheās now worried theyāll lose everything. My folks arenāt in any position to give them a loan.
My other sister was aware of her renting out the place but of course hasnāt ever said anything. I suspect sheās done the same thing as well because I went up there once to drop off an ATV I had worked on and there was a family there who claimed to be staying there with my sister, her family, and that theyād gone to town for something.
At the time I let it go. I figured sheād loaned out the house to some friends, but Iāve always wondered. I found all this out through my folks who are pretty stressed out about it. Mom more than dad. Heās mainly just pissed off about it all.
I know dad feels betrayed and I imagine heās embarrassed that heās in no position to help his daughter out. He did reiterate that as long as itās up to him the girls wonāt be using the vacation home anytime soon. My folks let me know whatās going on because they figured my sisters would put a full court press on me next, and they were right.
On Thursday my sisters came to our place again without husbands this time and waited outside the door until I got home. I had to choose between fighting with them in public, them making a scene if I went in without them, or letting them in, so I let them in.
I got a shit story from the older sister with the younger one backing her up regarding why I needed to let them use the mountain place again immediately. They also said Iāve been a shitty brother and that I needed to step up and plan on paying for their kidsā college tuition since thatās what family does.
I let them pitch their story then called them out based on what my folks had told me. Things went to shit from there. There was denial, crying, cursing, yelling, you name it. I swear my ears are still ringing. Two days later, wonāt lie, I said some really mean and shitty things to them but nothing that wasnāt true.
They finally left after about an hour. After that I took a shower and laid down. When I got up my wife was home and her first words were that sheād had to block more phone numbers because my sisters were blowing up our phones from new ones. Folks messaged me yesterday asking me to call.
Iām sure my sisters have told them some shit version of what happened but Iām not up to rehashing it yet. Iām usually a pretty energetic person but this drama has me beaten down. I had just enough energy today to drive up to the vacation house and padlock the entrance gate shut.
Iām the only one with a key. Iām guessing that will be enough to ensure my siblings leave the place alone. They probably died trying to walk four hundred yards uphill to get to the house. Yet another update regarding the clusterfuck that is my extended family.
Thought it might be time given whatās gone on over the past two weeks. After my sisters came to my place my mom and dad told me they were done with managing the vacation home. Sounded like the sisters had been pressuring them to let them use the place again.
Basically my folks handed the responsibility for the place over to me and told me it was my problem from here on out. Up until then theyād kept track of who would be using it when and theyād taken care of routine maintenance, replacing worn out items, etc.
In any case they decided they didnāt want to be in the middle of all this crap. While I donāt blame them Iām disappointed because the damn place was supposed to be something for them to enjoy and hang out in and they use it regularly. Plus Iāve never cared that they let my sisters and their families use it because really Iāve always thought that was my parentsā call even though I technically own it.
But now my folks are going to be in the position of not having access without me being involved and that changes the whole dynamic of the place. Iāve taken several steps to secure the place. I already mentioned that I locked the gate. It has a heavy duty chain and the best lock I could find.
I also did a full reset on all the door keypads and created all new codes. Security cameras got installed yesterday, which is actually pretty cool because the installer convinced me to put a high-res one that looks out over the valley. The system cost me way more than I thought it would but the peace of mind is worth it.
The installer also put up signs on the property saying the place was monitored by video. I also installed a heavy duty lockout for the water shut-off drain valve. I hope to hell I lose the keys for it because if I do itās going to be a bear to try to remove.
Havenāt told anyone but my wife that the water is locked off and again only we have the keys. Last week I got separate calls at my office from both of the husbands trying to convince me to let them use the house like they always have. The older one had gone up with some friends for a guy hangout but couldnāt get in because of the gate lock.
He was pretty pissed and embarrassed about being locked out. Iām sure he would have broken the lock if he could have. During his call he kept bouncing between pushy and victimhood. At one point he threatened to rip that gate out of the goddamn ground.
He also admitted theyād been renting it out to a few friends, that they needed the money, I was ruining their business, and that I should refund their guestsā money. Me? Fuck that. I should have recorded the conversation with him but I donāt know how to do that from an office phone.
Anyway the other brother-in-law just sounded like he was being made to call by my sister. He didnāt really put up a fight when I told him not to plan on ever using the place again. In any case I told them they canāt use the place and not to ask again.
At this point Iām considering selling the vacation home. My wife and I wonāt use it enough to justify keeping it and itās not like thereās going to be any family get-togethers there anytime soon. I mentioned selling it to my folks. Their response was pretty much whatever.
Iād more than double my money by selling it. The place consists of three lots with killer views and is at the end of a private road. But Iāll probably wait for a while to sell. Doing so now would be an emotional decision.
My sisters and I arenāt currently speaking and I have no plans to initiate contact. I donāt know what the status between them and my folks is and I donāt want to. On the upside we spent an evening with my folks last week, went to a new restaurant that was nice.
No one brought up any of this crap. Mom did update us on the nieces and nephews. Sheās spending time with them at their homes. Sorry this update isnāt full of laughs or owns. Thatās just life sometimes.
A couple of people have asked for an update. Here you go. I hired a guy to manage and look over the vacation home. He lives in the area, takes care of his folks, and manages a good number of properties. Some are vacation rentals, some are weekend places like ours.
He has access to my camera feeds and does a physical check on them every week or two. I think he may have the best job in the mountains. He gets paid to drive around with his dog, walk around the properties, and hangs out on peopleās decks whenever he feels like it.
He also has a camera feed from a house near the start of the private road that takes still shots whenever a vehicle goes past it. Four hundred fifty dollars per month plus heāll do basic maintenance and repairs on an hourly basis. Heās friends with all of the sheriffās deputies too.
Got a lot of peace of mind from doing this and he sends photos from his walks to everyone once or twice a week. I have to brag a bit on my parents. I got all this from them tonight at dinner. They were getting pressure from my sisters to demand that I open up the vacation house to everyone for Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving up there had become quite the tradition for the family. Not for me or my wife. Weāve gone once in six years. My dad refused to bother me about it because he knew Iād say no. They came up with what I think is a great plan.
Announced that they were organizing the Thanksgiving gathering and if everyone split the cost in advance theyād rent an Airbnb in the mountains. Otherwise theyād host Thanksgiving at their place or one of the sisters could host it.
This caused a fight between the sisters because the middle sister was all for doing the Airbnb but the oldest one doesnāt have any money. The deadline to commit to the Airbnb has passed. Looks like Thanksgiving will be at my parentsā place regardless.
We wonāt be there. My parents have asked that we not sell the place for now. They decided theyād still like to use it occasionally but not until my sisters have come to terms with the new normal. And of course theyād probably like it if everyone could get together there again down the road, but thatās just not going to happen.
Iād just as soon sell it and move on at this point but I can live with keeping it if my folks do use it now and again. Plus it will be worth even more down the road. My wife and I have stayed no contact with my sisters and their husbands.
Both sisters have called from new numbers, fuck you Google Voice, and left messages insisting that I meet with them for our parentsā sake to work out how everyone can use the family vacation home. They called my wife too.
Iām glad I was already in the habit of not answering calls if I donāt recognize the number. I honestly donāt know if theyāre delusional or if they think they can bully me into giving them access again. Donāt really care.
My parents tell me that the oldest sister and her husband are getting out of the leases for their SUV and big-ass truck and are selling their jet skis and some other shit theyāve never needed. Thatās going to be really hard on her.
Sheās quite the braggart and wonāt like being seen in something older, smaller, cheaper. My brother-in-lawās identity is very much wrapped up with his truck as well. He even has a small tattoo of the truck companyās logo, which frankly is one of the many reasons why he and I never hung out.
Several people have suggested I make the vacation home into an Airbnb. I donāt plan to do so at least anytime soon. I know it would make money but it would cause an incredible amount of drama across the family and would stress out my parents.
They donāt need that. It would also be a hassle to remove personal things my folks have there. That stuff is nowhere to go and there would be wear and tear on the place and Iām sure it would take some amount of time on my part even though Iād use a manager to do it.
Just not worth it to me. Wrote most of this yesterday but decided to wait to post it until I wasnāt so wound up. Waiting didnāt work. Iām still wound up. Sorry if this rambles. So much has happened. Hard to write coherently. Things have gone to hell.
I really truly did not think anything like this would happen. Short version: my brothers-in-law broke into my vacation home and were arrested. Theyāve been charged with breaking and entering, destruction of property, and communicating threats, all class one misdemeanors.
Iāve refused to drop the charges. I might do so if Iām fully paid for the damage they caused. They were still in jail as of Saturday evening. I assume theyāre out by now. Things had settled down, at least I thought so. Havenāt seen or heard from my sisters in over six weeks.
My parents went up to the house for a week and had a good time. David, the property manager I hired, has worked out great. Heās done a couple of repairs I asked him to do and Iāve given him a list that heās going to work on.
He usually sends a photo or two of wildlife or a sunset to his clients every week. Was kind of making me want to get up there. Friday after Thanksgiving my brothers-in-law went to my vacation home.
They used an angle grinder to cut through the chain on the driveway gate and damaged the gate in the process. They tried to get in through the front door, ruined the lock set, and gouged the door badly.
They finally got in through the utility room door and a locked internal door. They also broke into the barn. Iām not sure why. When they went out through the front door they were met by sheriffās deputies and David.
David gets notifications from the camera system when thereās activity. He saw what was going on and called the sheriffās department. According to David the brothers-in-law tried to bullshit their way out of it but the deputies didnāt buy it.
Breaking into an empty house is a pretty serious thing up there. Usually itās meth heads who ransack the place and hawk everything. When the brothers-in-law were arrested they freaked out big time, were saying how they were going to beat the hell out of me, etc.
Not smart to do in front of cops. David and the sheriffās office tried calling my wife and me to see what we wanted to do but we were spending the day with her parents and had left our phones in the car so we could be in vacation mode.
So they booked the brothers-in-law on everything, which is what I would have asked them to do anyway. The brothers-in-law called their wives from jail who of course freaked out. They called my folks, tried to call me, theyāre blocked, tried to find a lawyer up there to arrange bail.
Not easy to do given that itās a rural area and was a holiday weekend. Older sister has zero cash and her cards are maxed out so if they made bail my middle sister would have had to pay for both husbands.
I know they were still in jail as of Saturday afternoon. We didnāt check our phones until late Friday on the way home from the in-laws. There were a ton of calls and messages from my mom, dad, David, and the sheriffās department.
Talk about ruining a great day. I was in such a good mood till I looked at my phone. My wife read through the texts and listened to messages, read them out to me, and by the time we got home I had some idea of what was going on.
I put my brain back into thinking mode, tried to get past my anger, failed, called David and got the rundown on what had happened and how bad the damage was, resulting in more anger. I ended Friday by calling the sheriffās department and telling them there was no misunderstanding.
The brothers-in-law had absolutely no right to be on my property and I wanted to press charges. I didnāt call my folks back. Barely slept. I waited until Saturday afternoon to call my folks.
They were both pretty rattled about it all. My mom in particular. My sisters had browbeat them into telling me I should tell the cops it was all a mistake and that I wanted the charges dropped. I refused flat out.
Told them there was no way Iād do that until I spoke with an attorney and also not until I was paid in full for whatever it will cost to fix everything one hundred percent. My mom was crying hard by the time we got off the phone, which of course made me feel like shit.
My dad suggested it was time for a complete start over but also said he thought they needed to pay for the damage. I havenāt gone up to the property yet. Thereās nothing I can do and Iāll probably go nuts when I see the damage in person.
The photos are bad enough. Iām hoping to go tomorrow or Wednesday but my job isnāt one I can just wander off from for non-emergencies. Iāve left messages with two attorney friends asking them to recommend the right lawyers to go after my sisters and brothers-in-law.
I donāt know what I can do exactly but Iām hoping to get restraining orders. I have all the texts theyāve sent me that might help. Iām strongly considering suing them for the money they made renting the place.
I donāt care about the cash but it will help make them as miserable as possible. The gloves are definitely off at this point. A couple of side notes. One, brothers-in-law had no idea Iād hired someone to keep an eye on things or that there are cameras there now.
My parents knew but hadnāt told them because they knew it would just give my sisters a reason to drama. There are signs on the property stating itās being monitored with cameras and no trespassing signs though. Two, my wife has completely had it at this point.
I donāt blame her. Sheās been more than patient about it all but she reached her limit and was not shy about letting me know. She told me itās up to me how I deal with this but that she thought they all needed to be taught a hard lesson.
Three, older brother-in-law likely wonāt face any repercussions at his job over this but middle brother-in-law has a security clearance so he might. Iām hoping that will be motivation for middle brother-in-law to pay for the damages himself immediately.
Four, David the caretaker has an interesting background. I knew he was friends with some of the deputies, figured it was because they were all locals. I was wrong. He was a cop in a big city for years, was shot on duty, and afterwards decided to quit and moved to where his parents had retired.
He has some PTSD over it all. His dog is a certified service animal and is usually with him. I know law enforcement people tend to hang together. I guess thatās how they became his friend group.
Five, I donāt want to see or speak with these assholes for the rest of my life. I know this is in direct conflict with my overwhelming urge to make their lives as miserable as possible. A lot of people have said I should have been hard ass about all of this from day one.
Iāve avoided it because it would have stressed out my parents and I hate this kind of drama. But eff it, theyāre stressed out now. My wife has pretty much opted out of any more to do with this, doesnāt want to hear about it for a while, and says itās in my lap.
She leaves it on that but Iām guessing sheās not going to get involved from now on other than listening to me blow off steam. Edit regarding why they broke in. Conjecture on my part but I think they were planning on using it for family getaways and are renting it out again.
According to David the property manager itās deer season through the end of the year. I know the brothers-in-law have used it in the past as base camp for big group hunting weeks. It sleeps quite a few people so one event with friends could net them thousands of dollars.
Again Iām guessing here but that would explain why they broke into the barn as well. I bought a six-seater mule a few years back and they would want to use that. I donāt think they wanted to trash the place. It means too much to my dad and they both like him a lot.
December 2nd 2023 Saturday. Didnāt think Iād be doing another post this soon but a lot has happened over the past two days. Short version I think the corner has been turned on this crap.
Thursday afternoon I got a courier delivered envelope at my office. In it was a signed letter from both my brothers-in-law and a cashierās check for five thousand dollars. In the letter they made what I have to say was a really sincere apology.
Among other things they acknowledged breaking in, acknowledged it was wrong, said the five thousand was to pay for the damage and that theyād pay more if it cost more than that, also said theyād stay away from the vacation home unless my wife and I specifically invited them.
They also asked that Iād do what I could to get the charges dropped as soon as possible because they both could lose their jobs and that theyād agree to a restraining order or whatever else it took for that to happen.
There was more as well, all conciliatory, but thatās the gist of it. To say this was a shock is an understatement. It was obviously a total one-eighty from their past behavior.
Iād already made an appointment with an attorney to see about suing my brothers-in-law over the damage and to try to get a restraining order. I called him and told him what I just received and he agreed to meet with me at the end of the day instead of next week.
Told me not to deposit the check. We met for about two hours. He ended up recommending the wife and I do a settlement and mutual release agreement with all four of them, sisters and brothers-in-law.
He said if we went after them via a lawsuit that weād almost certainly win but that it could take two years or more, there would be sizable upfront legal fees, and that we might never see any money.
He also said we could keep the five thousand free and clear even if we didnāt let them off the hook. Heās drawing up the agreement. It wonāt be ready until Monday.
The agreement will include whatās essentially the civil equivalent of a restraining order. Iād already asked my property manager to work up a bid to get the damage repaired. I called him after the meeting and asked that he get me as close an estimate as possible ASAP.
Got that Friday. He thinks it will take around four thousand to fix everything. Most of that is for the front door. On Friday my attorney contacted each of the brothers-in-law, told them what we were proposing, and advised them to get their own lawyers.
They both agreed to it. The middle brother-in-law told them they could afford to either pay for the damages or pay for a lawyer but not both and they figured a lawyer wouldnāt make any difference given that they really had no defense for what they did.
His biggest concern was if the charges could be dropped. From what I can tell theyāre willing to do anything, sign anything, to make this all go away.
My attorney also called the DAās office on Friday to discuss dismissing the charges, got the name of the prosecutor, and left them a message but has not spoken to them yet. He thinks theyāll dismiss the charges because the brothers-in-law are paying up and they have no priors, but then again heās not a criminal lawyer.
Also said I should be prepared to drive up there Monday or Tuesday and tell the prosecutor in person that I want everything dismissed. Heās also advised me to continue to be no contact with sisters and brothers-in-law, especially for the next six months, and that it will be really important to follow the terms of the agreement when it comes to future interactions with them.
Iām guessing that the brothers-in-lawās change of heart is due to them having figured out whatās at stake for them, what itās going to cost them in legal fees and fines and so on. Thereās also the highly unlikely possibility that they could go to jail for up to one hundred twenty days and as Iāve mentioned one of them has a security clearance for his job that could be at risk.
So this is their Hail Mary pass to keep their normal lives. This isnāt a perfect resolution to the situation but at least it will get me past the legal and financial part of the shit show that Iāve been in for the past few months.
I doubt Iāll ever have a civil relationship with any of them ever again and thatās fine. What I want most at this point is to close this off, get on with my life, and never speak to any of them again.
Iām exhausted from this. My wife feels pretty much the same way. Kind of a side issue but getting the written apology was weirdly a huge moment for me. I wasnāt expecting that ever but apparently it matters to me quite a bit.
The money doesnāt feel particularly important at this moment. Iāll damn sure take it though. Also Iām pretty certain my middle sister and her husband came up with the money. The cashierās check is from the credit union of the company he works for.
Once things are signed I plan to make one more update, probably just an edit to this post. Iām sorry for being so pedantic. Writing these posts has helped clear my head and the feedback has really helped.
I truly appreciate everyoneās comments, insights, and support and I really really hope none of you ever have to go through this kind of nonsense. To be honest when I finally got home Thursday night I cried from relief thinking this might all be over.
Iām not going to discuss this settlement with my folks until itās signed by everyone. My sisters and brothers-in-law can if they want to but Iām not. Itās between me and them.
Tuesday morning I met with my attorney, went over the agreement, changed a couple of minor things, and he sent it to my sisters and brothers-in-law. It included a requirement that they pay my attorneyās fee, about three thousand dollars.
They werenāt happy about that and tried to negotiate it away but he told them they either accept it as is or there would be no deal at all and weād proceed with suing them for the money they got from renting out the place, wear and tear from renting it, repair costs from their break-in, emotional distress, lost income from having to deal with this, attorney fees, and whatever else we could.
He also told them I would push hard with the DAās office to prosecute every charge. Short version they came in and signed. I wasnāt there. Iām told it was a pretty tense environment, that the middle brother-in-law appeared to have taken charge, and that at one point he told both of my sisters to shut the hell up or he was walking away from the whole thing, making his own deal with us, and the rest of them could all go to hell.
They provided another cashierās check for two thousand five hundred. Claimed thatās all they had. Itās close enough that weāre going to accept it as the final payment.
Attorney also told me that everyone was very cold and curt towards one another but that they all managed to keep it together long enough to sign and left without making too big of a scene.
I drove up to the vacation house early yesterday to check out the damage and meet with the DAās office. Seeing the damage made my blood boil. It was so senseless. I was so pissed that I was ready to eat the cost of repairs and do everything I could to ruin their lives.
Tried walking it off, failed utterly, ended up calling a good friend who was kind enough to stay on the phone for over an hour letting me spew and vent. He eventually got me back to focusing on the bigger picture of putting this behind me and getting on with my life.
Honestly Iām still not sure thatās what I want to do but I settled down enough to get some food in me and I felt better after lunch. I went to the DAās office, hadnāt made an appointment, and had to wait a while but got to meet with the assistant DA whoās got the case.
Short version is that since I donāt want to prosecute and the brothers-in-law have already paid for the damages that they are willing to drop all the charges except trespassing, which in this case will be a class two misdemeanor.
The brothers-in-law will have to plead guilty and pay whatever fine the judge sets. Iām also told that if they fight the trespassing charge or ever so much as fart in public up there that it would go very poorly for them.
It helped that the brothers-in-law didnāt resist arrest. If they had none of the charges would have been dropped. I also went by the sheriffās office to thank them for getting there so quickly and everything.
Wanted to thank the deputies personally but only spoke to the dispatch person. And I tried to meet up with David the property manager but couldnāt get hold of him.
A couple of notes. The agreement includes a no contact clause. Basically if any of them show up where my wife or I are or the other way around whoever got there last has to leave immediately.
No contact except through attorneys or other mutually agreed upon third parties. They get to keep whatever they made from renting the vacation home, my big give unless I have tax consequences which they will be responsible for, and we release each other from all other liabilities up through the present.
Thereās more to it than that but those are the high points. My wife and I will sign the agreement later today. After that I canāt talk about most of this but I can talk around it.
I think this is my final update regarding all this nonsense but Iāll respond to comments if I can. As Iāve said before posting about all of this and reading folksā thoughts and responses has been really helpful and is probably been key in my being able to handle this in a relatively healthy way.
So thank you all again. I had a hard time not being vindictive but right now Iām glad I wasnāt. If they cause more drama down the road Iāll probably regret it but if they follow the agreement it wonāt happen.
The family dynamics are like you said pretty much effed. Iāve only told my parents that weāre trying to work things out, nothing more. They may or may not be okay with the way things will be moving forward but I had to do what was best for my wife and I.
Iām guessing that my sisters have told them a very slanted version. Thatās just one more turd Iāll have to swim around. Really the agreement is more a formalization of how things have been for the last few months.
I know itās not how my folks wanted things to go but Iām pretty happy with it. Have your sisters ever shown this level of entitlement before? Not really, not towards me anyway.
We used to be okay, never very close but not enemies. Looking back they started to resent me when I bought a loft when I was twenty-five. At that point neither of them owned a home but both had met their future husbands.
They definitely didnāt like that I got a place before they did. It got worse when I met my wife. They didnāt like that she was part of a wealthy family especially since I was doing pretty well by then myself.
Accused me of being elitist and such. When we got married I moved in with my wife. Her condo was close to where she was doing her fellowship and I sold the loft. Our wedding was fancy but reasonable but the sisters were definitely envious about it.
After that they and their husbands got pretty petty and we started minimizing our involvement with them. The profit from selling the loft, being frugal, and not having a house payment are what enabled me to buy the vacation home for my parents.
My folks were okay with hiding the fact that I owned it instead of them because they knew my sisters would be pissed about it and say that I was using my wifeās money. I didnāt.
Most of our finances are separate though it definitely helped that I didnāt have a house payment. Up until this crap started I actually thought we were okay in the general sense.
Our daily lives are very different and I canāt pretend I enjoy being around them for more than half a day but I didnāt think they hated me. I did know that both sisters had become pretty spoiled entitled but it wasnāt my concern and I didnāt have any real conflicts with my brothers-in-law either, just almost nothing in common with them.
God I guess thatās a long-winded way of saying I didnāt know they were all such assholes. One last thought. My small fantasy at this point is that I never hear from them again.