The woman sitting on my couch apologizing for leaving me wasn't the same person who had made that comment about her ex's salary. But I wasn't the same person who would let that comment define his worth, either.
Edit: A lot of you are asking if I am going to give her another chance. The answer is no, but not out of spite. When someone shows you how they think about relationships, as transactions where love is conditional on financial performance, you should believe them.
Final update: It has been exactly 18 months since that dinner conversation that started this whole journey, and I figured I owed you guys a final update.
The numbers first, since that seems to be what matters.
I am now a regional sales manager making $140K base plus commission. That puts me around $180K total. Real estate portfolio is worth about $400K in equity. Generates enough passive income to cover my living expenses. Dating an incredible woman who chose me when I had way less to offer than I do now.
But honestly, the financial stuff isn't the real story here.
Last month, I ran into Zarik at a networking event downtown. Hadn't seen him since before he started dating Alera.
He looked rough. Turns out his company downsized his department and cut his salary by about 30%. The woman he had left Alera for had promptly moved on to someone with better prospects.
"Karma's a b****," he said, trying to make it sound like a joke.
"Market's just tough right now," I replied. "You will bounce back."
What struck me was how bitter he seemed. Like his worth was so tied to his income that losing some of it had shaken his entire identity.
Made me realize that might have been Alera's real problem, too. She had never learned to see value beyond the numbers.
Speaking of Alera, I heard through mutual friends that she has been struggling. Lost a lot of followers when her luxury lifestyle content disappeared. Had to take a retail job to pay rent. Still single. Still looking for someone to fund the life she thinks she deserves.
I don't take any pleasure in that. Honestly, I hope she figures it out. Everyone deserves to be happy, even if they need to learn some hard lessons first.
The biggest change isn't financial. It is psychological.
I used to measure my worth by external validation. Whether that was hitting sales targets, or affording expensive dinners, or being chosen by someone I thought was out of my league. Now, I measure it by whether I am building something meaningful and treating people with respect.
Thalia and I moved in together 3 months ago. She was hesitant at first, because she didn't want to rush things, but also because she makes less than I do and was worried about the financial dynamic.
Had to convince her that what I care about is how she thinks about money, not how much she makes.