Marcus nodded anyway. "Three years ago," he said, "car accident. She was coming home from her sister's. Nia was in the backseat." He swallowed. "Nia was fine.
Not a scratch, but she saw it. She was five and she saw the whole thing and she" He stopped. Take your time. Elena said quietly. "She used to be the happiest kid you ever met," Marcus said.
His voice had gone rough. You couldn't get her to stop talking. She sang all the time, made up her own songs, whole albums of nonsense, and she'd perform them for us at dinner. A ghost of a smile crossed his face and vanished. After the accident, she just stopped.
Stopped singing, stopped smiling. Not all at once, it faded like a radio getting quieter until you realize it's off. And I keep thinking there's got to be a day, right? A day where she wakes up and she's her again. But it's been 3 years, and that day hasn't come, and I don't His jaw worked.
I don't know how to give her back what she lost, because I lost it, too. And you can't give somebody a thing you don't have. The kitchen was silent. Elena didn't rush to fill it. She let his words sit there, and Marcus was grateful for that in a way he couldn't have explained.
Everybody else always rushed. Everybody else always had a thing to say. She'll bounce back. Kids are resilient. Time heals.
Have you tried counseling? As if he hadn't tried everything. As if he wasn't drowning while people stood on the shore giving him swimming tips. Elena just listened. What was her name?
Elena asked. Your wife? Carol? Carol. Elena nodded slowly.
You still wear the ring. Marcus looked down at his left hand. He did. He always had. He'd stopped noticing it years ago.
Yeah, he said. That's okay, Elena said gently. That's not a thing you have to explain to anybody. And that of all the things she could have said was what finally cracked him. Not sympathy, not advice, just permission.
Permission to be exactly where he was without anybody trying to move him along. Marcus pressed the heel of his hand hard against his eyes, and he did not cry because he didn't cry anymore. He'd forgotten how somewhere around Carol's funeral. But he came closer than he had in a long long time. I don't know why I'm telling you all this.
He said muffled. I came to drop off a charger. People tell me things, Elena said. I don't know why either. Something about my face.
She smiled. Daniel says I look like I'm about to hand you a casserole even when I'm mad at him. Marcus let out a startled sound that was almost a laugh. Yeah. That tracks.
They stood there a moment. Then Marcus asked the question he'd been circling since he walked in. He never told me he had a sister who ran a place for kids. Elena's smile dimmed a little. Daniel doesn't tell people much.
You'd know that better than most. Yeah. Marcus's voice hardened without his permission. Yeah, I would. Can I ask what happened?
Elena said. Between you two? He won't talk about it. Every time it comes up, he just gets this look and changes the subject. And I've known my brother 30 years, that look means it matters.
Marcus was quiet for a while. It's stupid, he finally said. That's the worst part. It wasn't some big betrayal. Nobody stole money.
Nobody slept with anybody's wife. It was just He exhaled. After Carol died, I fell apart. And I leaned on him. Hard.
Maybe too hard, I don't know. I'd call him at all hours. I'd need him to watch Nia last minute and then last minute again and again. And I could feel him getting tired of me. I could feel it.
And instead of talking about it like a grown man, I got proud. I started pulling back before he could push me away, testing him, waiting for him to fail me so I could say, "See, I knew it." And did he fail you? Once. Marcus' voice was low. Nia's school play.