Billy sighed. "She's talking about suing you again. Said she's been researching tenant laws. I told her to drop it, but she keeps saying you ruined her life." "She can try," I said, keeping my tone even. "But I've got every receipt she'll ever need to lose."
Two days later, I found out she wasn't bluffing. My lawyer called while I was at work. "You're going to love this one," he said. "You've officially been served by your ex." "What now?"
"She filed a claim for emotional distress, illegal eviction, and loss of property. Wants $50,000."
I started laughing. "She announced she was engaged while living in my house rent-free. How is that emotional distress I caused?" "Relax," my lawyer said. "We'll handle it. I'm drafting a counterclaim for 6 months of back rent, unpaid utilities, and property damage.
We'll ask for $28,000 just to make it sting." "Perfect," I said. "Bill me whatever it takes."
A week later, we were in court. Minerva actually showed up in a beige suit, fake crying before the session even started. She didn't have a real attorney, just some overworked legal aid lawyer who looked like he'd met her 5 minutes before. When it was her turn to speak, she went on this long rant about psychological warfare, coercive control, and how I weaponized law enforcement. The judge's face was completely blank the entire time.
Then my lawyer stood up, handed the judge a thick folder, and said, "Exhibit A, proof the plaintiff never paid rent, was not on the lease, and publicly announced her engagement to another man while living in the defendant's residence. Exhibit B, police reports confirming voluntary departure. Exhibit C, her own Instagram posts showing she left voluntarily, publicly calling herself newly engaged, and thanking her fiance for supporting her." The judge skimmed through it, sighed, and looked at her. "Ms. Martin, this doesn't appear to be an eviction case.
It appears you were living rent-free in someone else's home."
She tried to interrupt. "But I have trauma!" The judge raised a hand. "This is a civil case, not therapy." Five minutes later, it was over.
Case dismissed. My counterclaim was officially logged. Her so-called lawyer looked like he couldn't get out of there fast enough.
By that afternoon, she started posting again, claiming the court was corrupt and money talks. She didn't mention that her own attorney dropped her the same day. I wasn't even mad. I was impressed at how she kept digging the hole deeper.
A week later, my lawyer called again. "Guess where she's living now." "Let me guess, back with her parents?" "Nope, back with Landon, temporarily at least. She used his address on one of the filings."
I almost spit out my coffee. "Wait, after everything?" He laughed. "Apparently, he took her back." Again, I sat there shaking my head.
Man, some people never learn. That night, I got a text from Billy. She moved out. Packed in the middle of the night. Didn't even say goodbye.
Mom's done with her. She's back with Landon for now, but it's chaos. I typed back, "Not my problem anymore." And it wasn't.
By the time the next month rolled around, I barely thought about her. Until Billy sent one final update. Landon's been sleeping at his friend's place. She's calling him non-stop saying he abandoned her again. She's talking about starting an OnlyFans now.
I stared at that text for a second, then just laughed quietly to myself. "Not my problem anymore," I repeated out loud. For the first time in months, I actually meant it. Life was calm again. Work was steady, the house stayed clean, and I could finally sit in silence without waiting for my phone to explode with chaos.
Then, one random Tuesday night, it did anyway. My phone rang. Unknown number. I almost ignored it, but picked up out of habit. "Patrick," the voice sounded shaky.
"Who's this?" "It's Landon."
That name alone made me grin. "Well, if it isn't the fiance. What's up?" He sounded desperate. "I need your help, please."
Now this I got to hear. "She won't leave," he blurted. "Minerva. She's been living here for 2 weeks and refuses to go. She's threatening to tell the cops I assaulted her if I try to make her leave."
I leaned back in my chair, trying not to laugh. "You're kidding." "I'm serious, man. She keeps saying I owe her stability. I've been sleeping on the couch just to avoid being in the same room."
"You proposed to her," I reminded him. "So, I think it's a you problem." "That was before I knew she was like this. She lies about everything. I'm begging you. How did you get her out so fast?"
It was surreal. The same guy who had shown up at my door yelling about furniture was now asking me for survival tips. "All right," I said. "You want advice?" "Yes. Anything.
Please." "Document what happens. Don't argue with her or touch her things. If she threatens to involve the police, don't escalate the situation. Call for help yourself and keep a clear record of what happened."
He went quiet for a second. "That's actually smart." "Also," I added, "next time don't propose to a woman who still lives with another man." He didn't even argue. "You're right," he said weakly.
"God, I'm such an idiot. Man, I'm so sorry." "Yep." He thanked me like I just saved his life, then hung up. I thought that was the end of it.
But 2 days later, Billy called again. "Guess what your favorite person did," she said, voice half annoyed, half incredulous. "Let me guess," I said. "Filed another lawsuit?" "Worse. She told Landon she's pregnant."
I froze. "No way." "Oh, yeah. Said she took a test and everything. He freaked out, told her he'd do the right thing. But apparently, his roommates weren't buying it."
I didn't say anything, just waited. Billy continued. "They caught her on video laughing about it to one of her friends, which was a mutual friend. She literally said, 'He's so easy to manipulate. Men panic when they hear the word baby.'"
My jaw actually dropped. "She said that on camera?" "Yep, clear as day. Her friend even asked, 'What if you actually get pregnant?' And she said, 'Please, I'm not ruining my body for him.'"
I started laughing. "You can't make this stuff up." Landon's roommates sent him the footage, Billy said. He confronted her, and she went ballistic, screaming, crying, claiming it was all a joke taken out of context. "Let me guess, she threatened to call the cops?"
"Exactly. He called them himself and told them she refused to leave and was making false accusations. Cops showed up that night."
I almost felt bad for the guy. Almost. She stormed out eventually, but not before posting a live video saying she was escaping an abusive environment for the second time that year. Then she called Mom crying. "Guess where she is now."
I already knew the answer. "Back home." "Yep," Billy said. "Dad's furious. Mom's exhausted. They told her she can stay until she finds a job, but I give it 2 weeks before that blows up, too."