Because I don't know what to do. I can't raise a baby by myself. I can't afford my apartment on just my salary. I've ruined everything and I don't know how to fix it.
The entitlement was still there. Even in her desperation, she thought this was somehow my problem to solve. Jade, you made these choices. You chose to pursue a married man.
You chose to create this situation. I can't fix this for you. "But we were married for five years," she said desperately.
"Doesn't that mean anything? Can't you help me figure this out?" I told her that our marriage had meant everything to me, which was exactly why I divorced her when I found out it meant nothing to her. She'd made it clear I was never her first choice. And now that her first choice had rejected her, she couldn't come running back to me for support.
She begged me to reconsider, saying she'd learned her lesson and realized how good our marriage had been. She said she understood now that what she had with Jared was just a fantasy and that what we'd built together was real and valuable. But that was exactly the problem. She only realized the value of our marriage after she'd tried and failed to get something she thought was better.
Then she dropped the most delusional suggestion I'd ever heard. "What if we got back together?
You always wanted to be a father. This could be your chance. We could raise the baby together, and it would be like a fresh start for all of us." I stared at her in complete disbelief. You want me to help you raise another man's baby?
The baby you conceived while trying to destroy his marriage. "The baby's innocent in all this," she said.
"And Jared wants nothing to do with us. You could be the father this child needs." Are you completely insane? That's when she got angry. Really angry.
Started screaming about how selfish and heartless I was. How I was abandoning her when she needed me most. How if I really loved her, I would help her through this. I said the most loving thing I could do was refuse to enable her delusions any further.
After she left, I called Shawn and told him about the pregnancy and Jade's insane suggestion. "Bro, your ex-wife might be the most delusional person I've ever heard of, and I've met some truly delusional people." I changed my phone number and told Jade any future communication needed to go through lawyers.
I couldn't keep being her emotional support system while she dealt with the consequences of choices that had destroyed our marriage. But Jade wasn't ready to let go yet because apparently being pregnant and abandoned wasn't enough consequences for her actions. It's been over a year since this whole mess started. And I wanted to give everyone a final update on how everything played out.
Jade's baby was born 6 months ago, a little girl named Emma. She had no one with her at the hospital except her mother, who flew in from Florida. Jared refused to be involved in any way, and most of Jade's friends had distanced themselves after learning about the affair and pregnancy situation. Even Skyler, her toxic best friend who'd encouraged this whole mess, had backed away once things got too real.
Turns out it's easier to encourage someone to live their truth when you don't have to deal with the consequences. Jade's living in a tiny apartment now, struggling with single motherhood, work, and debt from selling her car to cover expenses. The court ordered Jared to pay child support, but he lost his job after the divorce and is working at a much lower paying position. Between supporting his first daughter and his own legal fees, there's not much left for Jade.
Meanwhile, I've been doing great. Started dating someone new about 4 months ago. Her name is Catherine, and she's a teacher I met through a friend. She's kind, stable, honest, and most importantly, she makes me feel like I'm her first choice, not her backup plan.
Last week, I was out with Catherine at this nice restaurant downtown when I spotted a familiar figure at the bar. Jade, looking rough around the edges, clearly drowning her sorrows in wine. She must have seen us, too, because she started making her way over to our table. "David," she said, her voice slurring slightly.
I stood up, trying to keep this from becoming a scene. "How you doing?" She looked at Catherine, then back at me, and I could see the wheels turning in her head.
Is this... are you dating? Jade, this is Catherine. Catherine, this is my ex-wife, Jade. Catherine was polite but cool.
"Nice to meet you." Jade stared at Catherine for a long moment, then turned back to me. We need to talk. If you have anything to say, say it here. "How could you move on so fast?" she said.
"What did you think?" But I thought I thought maybe when you saw how hard things have been for me, you might reconsider. I thought maybe you'd realize that we were good together. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. What exactly did you think was going to happen?
That's when she completely lost it. Started crying loudly. How she had no one to help with the baby. "I made mistakes, but I was just trying to be honest about my feelings.
You're punishing me for being authentic." People were starting to stare. "You need to go home.
You're drunk and you're making a scene."
"I'm making a scene? You're the one who destroyed our marriage over something I said in therapy. You're the one who had your brother spy on me. You're the one who ruined Jared's marriage." "Jade, I need you to leave now." She looked at Catherine again, then back at me.
"She's prettier than me. Is it about that? Are you serious? Is she your first choice, David, or is she settling for you, too?" "Catherine chose me," I said simply.
"That's the difference." Security ended up escorting her out. She was still crying and shouting about how everyone had abandoned her and how unfair life was. Catherine was incredibly understanding about the whole thing.
"That was your ex-wife?" "Unfortunately." "She seems intense." "That's one word for it." "I can see why you divorced her."
The whole thing had been a setup from the beginning.
The therapy suggestion, the buildup, the dramatic confession. It was all designed to blow up our marriage while making her look like the victim who was just being honest. But it backfired. Instead of getting her fantasy reunion with Jared, she ended up pregnant and alone.
Instead of keeping me as a backup while she figured out her feelings, she lost everything. I feel bad for little Emma, who's going to grow up with a mother who makes terrible decisions and a father who wants nothing to do with her. But that's not my responsibility to fix. I'm focused on my future now with someone who actually wants to be with me.
To anyone going through something similar, don't settle for being someone's backup plan. Don't stay with someone who makes you feel like you have to earn their love or compete with their memories. You deserve to be with someone who chooses you first every single day. Don't accept anything less than...