She nodded.
Isaiah entered his old office.
Thomas had been right.
Nothing had changed.
His desk.
Books.
Uniform jacket.
Framed commendation.
A photograph of his squad.
On one shelf sat dozens of letters.
Isaiah approached them.
"What are these?"
Lena stood in the doorway.
"The ones I wrote you."
He looked at her.
"After they said I died?"
"Before and after."
Isaiah opened one.
April 17.
Isaiah,
Maya lost another tooth today. She wanted to put it under your pillow because she thinks maybe if the tooth fairy can find people anywhere, she can find you too.
I didn't know what to tell her.
I told her to put it under her own pillow.
She got three dollars.
You would complain that's inflation.
I miss you.
Please come home.
Isaiah folded it.
Opened another.
December 2.
They told me today that I should begin considering a memorial.
I hate them.
I hate every person who says "closure."
I don't want closure.
I want my husband.
Another.
June 11.
Maya stopped asking when you're coming back.
I thought that would make things easier.
It didn't.
Another.
January 8.
I met Michael Hale's brother again today.
His name is Thomas.
Please don't be angry.
I know how ridiculous that sounds, writing to a dead man and worrying he'll be jealous.
He's kind.
I had forgotten how much I needed someone to be kind without looking at me like I'm broken.
Isaiah stopped reading.
His chest tightened.
Lena stood silently.
He picked up another.
September 14.
I kissed him.
I cried afterward.
He apologized even though it wasn't his fault.
I felt like I betrayed you.
Maybe I did.
I'm sorry.
I don't know how to be your wife when everyone tells me you're gone.
Isaiah closed his eyes.
He opened one more.
The date was eight months earlier.
Three weeks before Lena married Thomas.
Isaiah,
Tomorrow I am going to marry someone else.
I have tried to write that sentence for an hour.
I love him.
I need you to know that.
But I still love you.
I don't know if that's allowed.
Thomas says it is.
Sometimes I hate him for being so understanding because it would be easier if he gave me a reason to leave.