The padlock clicked. The heavy mechanism whirred, and the iron gate began to slowly swing outward toward the creek. Greg pulled out a cloth and began to polish a smudge off the brass handle, taking a confident step forward into the threshold.
"Hey, Greg!" I yelled from across the ravine.
Greg jumped, his head snapping up. He took one more step, looked down, and suddenly realized he was staring into an abyss.
He flailed his arms wildly, his boots slipping on the wet asphalt edge. With a panicked shriek that sounded entirely unlike the tough-guy enforcer he pretended to be, Greg threw his weight backward, landing flat on his back on the pavement. He scrambled backward on his hands and knees, staring in absolute horror at the empty space where my bridge used to be.
"Collins!" Greg screamed, his face turning a shade of purple I hadn't seen before. "Where the hell is the bridge?!"
"I'm doing some landscaping!" I called back casually, taking a sip of my coffee. "Decided I didn't like the Tuscan aesthetic!"
It took exactly twelve minutes for Brenda Carmichael to arrive. She came sprinting down the hill in her designer yoga pants, her phone already pressed to her ear. When she saw the gate opening to a sheer drop, she looked like she was going to have a stroke.
She pointed a trembling finger at me across the creek. "You're going to jail, Noah! You're going to federal prison!" she shrieked. "You destroyed community property!"
"I didn't touch your property, Brenda!" I shouted back. "Your gate doesn't have a scratch on it! I just moved my bridge. As you established, the bridge is mine, and it's not bound by your easements."
By 8:15 a.m., Officer Jenkins's cruiser pulled up, lights flashing. He stepped out, took one look at the open gate, the sheer drop, and me sitting comfortably on the other side. I could see him physically bite the inside of his cheek to stop from bursting into laughter.
Brenda ran up to him, practically frothing at the mouth. "Arrest him, Jenkins! He stole the bridge! He undermined the security of Oak Creek Estates!"