When I asked if there was someone specific she had in mind, she hesitated just long enough to tell me everything I needed to know. "No, I just want the freedom to explore if the opportunity arises. God, you're so paranoid. Can a woman want something for herself without you making it about your insecurities?"
That pause was louder than anything she actually said.
Here's where I surprised even myself. Instead of losing my mind or trying to talk her out of it, I said, "Okay."
The look on her face was priceless, like she'd been gearing up for World War II, and I just handed her a white flag.
"Really?" she said.
"Really?" I said. "If that's what you think our marriage needs, let's try it."
The next morning, Amanda left for work practically skipping. She actually said, "I'm proud of you for being so mature about this." Like she was my mom congratulating me for not throwing a tantrum.
I went to the shop, but couldn't focus on anything. During lunch break, I did something I hadn't done since college. Downloaded dating apps. Not just one, but three of them. If we were playing this game, I was going to play it right. But honestly, I wasn't just jumping into dating to spite Amanda. I realized that if our marriage was heading south, I needed to get my own life together. So, I started making some changes.
First thing I did was hit the gym. I'd been meaning to get back in shape for years. And suddenly, I had all this nervous energy that needed somewhere to go. Started going after work before heading home, lifting weights, and running on the treadmill. It felt good to focus on something I could control.