"You're being ridiculous. Wives have certain rights in a marriage, and you can't just decide to ignore them because you're having some midlife crisis with dating apps."
She stormed off to the guest room, and I could hear her on the phone with Britney, probably complaining about how unreasonable I was being. The irony was incredible. She wanted the freedom to see other people, but expected me to still be available whenever she felt like it.
The turning point came when I decided to invite Valyria over for dinner. I told Amanda that evening that I was having a friend over for dinner the next night. She asked who, and I said it was someone she knew from college.
When Valyria arrived looking absolutely stunning in a simple black dress, Amanda's face went through about five different emotions in 3 seconds. Dinner was incredibly awkward. Amanda was fake polite to Valyria, but kept making these subtle digs about how Valyria was still playing the field and must be having so much fun being single. She also made comments like, "Some people never learn to settle down," and, "I guess not everyone is cut out for real commitment."
Valyria, to her credit, was gracious and actually tried to include Amanda in the conversation. The whole time, I could see Amanda watching how Valyria and I interacted. How Valyria laughed at my jokes. How she asked follow-up questions about stories Amanda had clearly stopped listening to years ago, how she complimented the dinner I'd cooked instead of critiquing it.
After dinner, Valyria asked if she could see the Impala, and I proudly showed her out to the garage. I could see Amanda watching us through the kitchen window, her face getting darker by the minute as Valyria admired my work. After Valyria left, Amanda waited exactly 30 seconds before losing her absolute mind.
When I told Bruno about the dinner later, he was dying laughing. "So, your wife's college roommate shows up looking like a snack, actually appreciates your work, and Amanda's watching through the window like some psycho neighbor. Bro, that's not dinner. That's a telenovela episode."
"What the hell was that?" Amanda screamed the second the door closed behind Valyria.
I played dumb. "What was what?"