“Yes.”
Renee looked up sharply.
He continued.
“Not evidence Renee would leave.”
“Evidence adoption is the place where we stop talking well.”
Renee went still.
He was right.
Any other parenting issue could be debated.
School.
Sports.
Phone limits.
Friends.
Dating.
Money.
Lauren was different.
The subject arrived with loaded words.
Real mother.
Birth mother.
First mother.
Adoptive mother.
Placement.
Loss.
Choice.
Gratitude.
Abandonment.
Identity.
Every phrase threatened somebody.
So they avoided.
Dr. Harris asked Renee:
“What feeling did you avoid?”
“Fear.”
This time she knew the word.
“Of?”
Renee stared at the carpet.
“That biology would matter more.”
Marcus looked toward her.
Renee continued.
“I know that sounds ugly.”
“It sounds human.”
Dr. Harris said.
Renee frowned.
“Human is not the same as harmless.”
“No.”
The therapist nodded.
“Good distinction.”
Renee continued.
“I spent years saying biology doesn't make a family because I needed that to be true.”
Dr. Harris waited.
“It is true.”
Renee said.
“But I turned it into biology doesn't matter.”
“And that is not true for Zoe.”
Marcus stared.
Renee’s eyes filled.
“Her face matters.”
“Her medical history matters.”
“Her ancestry matters.”
“The person who carried her matters.”
“That does not make my motherhood fake.”
“No.”
Dr. Harris said.
“Those truths do not compete unless the family makes them compete.”
That sentence followed them home.
Renee met Lauren six weeks later.
Neutral place.
A coffee shop in Decatur.
No Zoe.
No Marcus initially.
Renee arrived early.
Of course.
Lauren arrived exactly on time carrying nothing but a purse.
That relieved Renee.
No dramatic box of letters.
No photographs.
No symbolic objects.
Just a woman.
Lauren looked exactly like the photograph.
More tired in person.
Nervous.
She stopped beside the table.
“Renee?”
“Yes.”
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
They sat.
The first five minutes were awful.
Weather.
Traffic.
Coffee.
Then Lauren said:
“I’m sorry.”
Renee stared.
“For what?”
“For being part of something you were excluded from.”
Renee had not expected that.
“Marcus made the decision.”
“I know.”
“Zoe asked.”
“I know.”