I was grateful. I did not feel rescued.
I felt bereaved. Four and a half years do not stop mattering because the ending becomes obvious.
The decision was right. It still hurt.
Lauren came to the apartment Sunday afternoon with Thomas. I had asked that one of our parents or siblings remain nearby because I did not want our first face-to-face conversation becoming another emotional argument nobody remembered accurately.
She looked exhausted. Her hair was tied back.
No makeup. No engagement ring.
She placed it on the coffee table when she sat down.
“I’m sorry,” she said. I waited.
“Mason lied to me about Natalie.” “I know.”
“I genuinely believed they were over.” “I believe you.”
Relief crossed her face. Then I added, “That isn’t the part that ended us.”
She looked confused. “How can you say that? He manipulated everything.”
“Yes.” “He told me he wanted another chance.”
“Yes.” “He told me he still loved me.”
“Yes.” Lauren’s eyes filled.
“Then why are you acting like none of that matters?” I leaned forward.
“It matters to what happened between you and Mason.” She stared at me.
“It does not explain why you told me you were sleeping with him and expected me to marry you the next afternoon.”
Lauren began crying. “I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“You thought clearly enough to pack a bag.” She closed her eyes.
“I know.”
“You thought clearly enough to choose a hotel.” “I know.”
“You thought clearly enough to tell me I should be generous.” She covered her face.
“I know.”
For several minutes neither of us spoke. Thomas remained in the kitchen, close enough to hear if voices rose but far enough to give us privacy.
Finally Lauren said, “There’s more.” I waited.
She admitted that she and Mason had kissed during her bachelorette weekend in Nashville. Not a drunken accidental brush.
They stepped away from the group, went outside the rooftop bar, and kissed behind the hotel near the rideshare entrance. Afterward Mason told her he had never really stopped wondering whether ending their relationship was the biggest mistake of his life.
Lauren told nobody. She came home and accused me of overreacting when I asked why Mason had been there.