I didn't see it as putting her life on hold. I saw it as an investment in our future. But I tried to understand her perspective, tried to find middle ground.
"What if you came with me sometimes?" I suggested. "During the off rotations, we could meet in different places. Instead of flying back to Denver every time, I could fly to wherever you wanted to go. Europe, Asia, South America. Turn the month off into an actual adventure."
"I have a job, Gare. I cannot just take off for a month."
"You could find remote work, or take a sabbatical. With what I would be making, you wouldn't have to work at all if you didn't want to."
That is when her expression changed. Not excitement, but something else. Suspicion, maybe.
"You want me to be financially dependent on you?"
"That is not what I am saying. I am saying the money gives us options. You could pursue something you actually care about instead of just working to pay bills. Isn't that better?"
She didn't answer that. Instead, she said, "4 months is a long time, Gare. A really long time."
I should have caught the tone. Should have recognized what she was really saying. But I was focused on the logic, on making the numbers work, on building something better than what we had.
2 weeks after I first told her about the offer, I had to give the consortium my answer. The recruiter was calling daily, saying they needed to move forward, that they had other candidates if I wasn't interested.
I sat down with Presley on a Sunday night, the deadline 48 hours away, and tried one last time.
"I need to give them an answer. I have run every possible scenario, and I keep coming back to the same conclusion. This is the opportunity that changes everything. Not just for me. For us. We take this seriously for 2 years, and we set ourselves up for the next 20."
Presley looked at me with an expression I had never seen before. Not angry, not sad. Just resolved.
"I need human company, Gare. I need warmth and touch, and someone actually present. 4 months is too long for me to go without that."
"I would be back every month. That is more than a lot of couples get."
"It is not enough for me."
I felt something shift in my chest, the way you feel when a load calculation is off and you realize the structure isn't going to hold.