And when she didn't see it, I interpreted her inability to see it as rejection rather than as the failure of communication that it actually was.
By the time she handed me the ultimatum, we'd both been failing each other in different ways for a year.
The difference was that her failure was more visible because it had a person's name and an address in Fremont.
What I learned, what cost me a marriage and a townhouse with a view of Lake Union to learn, is that the most important thing you can do for the people you love is be honest about what you need before you run out of need.
The resignation that settled into my marriage didn't arrive all at once. It came in the hundred small moments when I said, "It's fine," instead of, "It's not fine, and here's what I need."
By the time she said, "Maybe we're not right for each other," she was right.
Not because of Damon exactly, but because of everything the Damon situation had revealed about the way we did and didn't communicate.
The selfie from Changi Airport was petty. I know that. It was the only petty thing I let myself do in the whole sequence of events, and I'm not going to apologize for it because I think I earned one petty moment.
She texted asking about my weekend. I sent her an honest answer.
That's the last text we exchanged.
I still run along the Marina Bay waterfront on Saturday mornings. The light comes up over the Straits of Johor and hits the Supertrees and Gardens by the Bay.
And for a few minutes, everything in Singapore looks like something someone dreamed up and then decided to build.
Anyway, I think about Seattle sometimes, the way the rain sounds different there. Softer, more constant.
The way Pike Place Market smells on a Saturday morning when the fish guys are calling out to each other across the stalls.
The mountain view from a bedroom window I don't sleep in anymore.
I don't miss my marriage. That surprises me sometimes, but it's true. I miss what I thought my marriage was going to be.
There's a difference between those two things that takes a while to understand.
What I don't miss at all: explaining why my feelings were worth addressing, performing ease in situations that weren't easy, being told that the reasonable thing was the unreasonable thing.
I'm 38 years old and I run a team in one of the most dynamic financial markets in the world and I sleep through the night.
Some sacrifices cost you something. Some sacrifices give you back yourself.
I turned down Singapore once for a woman who was spending our weekends with her ex-husband.
When she told me that was non-negotiable, I believed her.
And then I called Singapore back.
Best decision I ever made.