I know I passed, but circumstances changed. If it's still open, I want to be considered.
Another pause, longer this time. I'll make some calls, he said. Give me 48 hours.
I didn't tell Petra that night. I thought about it. Thought about sitting her down and saying, "Here's what I just did. Here's why. Here's what that means."
But I realized I didn't want to have a negotiation about it. I'd been negotiating for the better part of a year, negotiating for her attention, negotiating for our weekends, negotiating for the acknowledgement that my feelings were worth addressing.
I was done negotiating.
Ford called back the following Tuesday. The position was still available. They'd been considering internal candidates, but hadn't made a final decision.
My credentials were strong enough that they wanted to proceed. He needed an answer within a week. I said yes.
The process moved quickly after that. Background check, contract review, visa paperwork.
I called my older brother, Theo, who lived in Portland, and told him what was happening. He was quiet for a moment.
How long have you been thinking about this? he asked.
About a year, I said. I just didn't admit it to myself.
You good?
I'm good, I said. I think I've been not good for a while and this is me fixing it.
He said he'd help me figure out the logistics whenever I needed it. That was Theo.
He didn't editorialize, didn't tell me what he thought I should feel, just asked if I needed help and meant it.
I hired a divorce attorney named Carol Ashworth, whose office was on Second Avenue downtown.
She'd been recommended to me by someone at the firm who'd gone through a split two years earlier. She was direct and competent, and she didn't waste my time on sympathy. She wasn't hired to give it.
Washington is a community property state, she said during our first meeting. Given the length of the marriage and the assets involved, here's what to expect.
She walked me through it. I listened carefully and took notes.
Timeline? I asked.
It can move relatively quickly if both parties cooperate. Depends on how your wife responds.
She'll be surprised, I said. I don't know how she'll respond to surprise.
Carol Ashworth nodded like she'd heard that a thousand times.
I told Petra on a Thursday evening. We were in the kitchen, both of us, between the end of the workday and dinner, and I said, "Sit down. I need to tell you something."
She sat down. She must have read something in my face because she went immediately still.