"Yes," she says. "Isn't it exciting? I wanted you to be the first to know."
I put my fork down, leaned back, and just stared at her. "Minerva, are you having a mental breakdown?"
"What?"
"Never mind."
"I'm in love. Landon's amazing. He's everything I've wanted."
"And you're telling me this why?"
She actually looked confused. "Because we live together. Obviously, things will change now, but I figured we could work out a transition plan. Maybe I could stay here for another month or two while Landon and I find a place."
That was the moment it clicked. She was serious. Completely serious.
So, I took a deep breath and matched her energy. "Oh, absolutely. Congratulations. Really, this is great news."
Her eyes lit up. "You're okay with it?"
"Totally. But just one small thing. Since you're engaged now, you'll need to pack your things. Tonight."
Her face dropped. "What?"
"Pack your things. You've got 2 hours. You can use the nice suitcases. They're yours now. I can't have someone as insane as you here."
"You can't be serious."
"I'm completely serious. You just told me you're marrying another man, that you've been cheating on me. Unless I have a shoe in my head instead of a brain, you don't get to live here while you plan the wedding."
She crossed her arms. "That's illegal. I'm a tenant. You have to give me 30 days' notice."
"No," I said, keeping my voice calm. "You're a guest. You never paid rent, you're not on any bills, and you didn't sign a lease. You lived here rent-free because I cared about you. That ends tonight."
She stood up, pointing her phone at me. "This is emotional abuse. I'm documenting this."
"Perfect," I said, pulling out my phone. "I'm documenting, too."