"Already on it," I said.
By midnight, new locks were in, cameras were up, and the house was finally quiet. It hit me then. She really thought I'd just let her stay here and plan her wedding with another guy from my kitchen table. That wasn't heartbreak. That was comedy.
I went to bed that night with the quietest house I'd had in years. No fake sighs about feeling unseen. No influencer voice rehearsing Instagram captions. Just peace.
But peace didn't last long. By 7:30 a.m., my phone was vibrating nonstop. 30 missed calls. Dozens of texts. A few DMs from her friends I'd never even met.
First one I opened was from Minerva. "You can't just kick someone out because your ego's hurt. I'm talking to a lawyer."
Then her mom, Doris. "Patrick, what is this I'm hearing? Did you really throw Mimi out? She said you scared her."
And then the best one, Landon himself, the new fiancé. His message started with, "Hey man, not cool. You should have handled this privately."
I actually laughed out loud. The guy proposed to my live-in girlfriend and wanted privacy.
I replied, "You proposed to my girlfriend while she lived with me rent-free. Stay classy, Landon."
He didn't text back.
Next wave hit an hour later, Instagram notifications. Minerva was posting stories like a PR crisis manager gone rogue.
A video popped up of her fake crying, saying, "When you finally find love but your toxic ex tries to control your happiness. I'm a survivor of emotional abuse and I won't be silenced."
She tagged me, tagged Landon, even tagged a quote account.
At first, I thought about ignoring it, but then my phone buzzed again. Co-workers texting screenshots.
One said, "Dude, isn't this your ex? She's going viral in the worst way."
So, I handled it in one clean shot. One post, no emotion, just receipts.
For anyone seeing my ex's posts, here are the facts. She lived in my home rent-free, never paid bills, not on any lease. Last week, she told me she loved me. Yesterday, she announced she's engaged to someone else at dinner in my house, then refused to leave. That's what happened. Here are screenshots and receipts.
I attached screenshots of her "I love you" text from 3 days earlier, Venmo requests for loan payments, and a photo of my utility bill in my name.
Didn't say another word, just hit post.