Wife changed gyms because I was holding her back, but she was actually cheating. I destroyed her fitness journey by exposing her to the world. It's entirely possible that I'm missing something right now, which is the entire reason why I'm narrating what's going on in my life.

I wouldn't have talked about any of this otherwise because I found it pretty embarrassing to talk about. I suspect that my wife is cheating on me, and it makes me feel like a bit of a cuck, but I do not know for sure. I'm still sleeping with this woman even though there's a large chance she's sleeping with someone else. I, 31 male, and Louisa, 30 female, have been married for four years.

We dated for three years before that. I think seven years is long enough amount of time to feel like you truly know someone, and that's why I think that there's something happening that I might not be entirely aware of. Things are off with her as much as she's trying to make it seem like some of the decisions she has made recently were entirely pragmatic. I used to be fat.

That's the easy way to put it. A few years into dating Louisa, I decided to give her the best version of myself, even though she claimed that she loved me the way I was. I just didn't think it was fair for me to give her that version of me though. She deserved me in good health, so I started to diet and work out.

At that point, I was not calorie counting and I was not in the gym, but I was cutting back my portions and walking a lot more. I started to see changes. They were slow, but I was losing weight. It was only after we got married that I decided to hit the gym.

It is not like I ever had any setbacks with my weight loss, but I wanted to make it more structured. It also helped that Louisa had been going to that gym before me, so I was able to become accustomed to it pretty quickly. I do not think that at that time she had any secrets at that gym. She was happy to have me join.

Her words and her body language suggested that. For the first few years, things went well. Remember, I was the kind of person whose fitness journey had been unstructured and I had seen gains. So, when I went into the gym, it was more structured than before, but still mostly freestyle.

I was seeing changes faster than before, but probably not as fast as most people who take the gym really seriously. Yes, to the really fitness-minded people, I should have done better. I should have taken it more seriously. I know.

I could have done a lot more in the time I had. I have objectively made progress despite doing things my way half the time. Louisa tried to encourage me to become a lot stricter, but one of the problems I have with the way the fitness-minded approach that I do not want my life to be miserable because I'm trying to stay fit. You really only live once.

So, for me, I really do want to enjoy my life. I am not going to never eat a cheeseburger again just because it is high in sodium. I want to be healthy and enjoy the good things in life. Some people eat junk food all day long and sit in a chair without moving a muscle.

So, I'm already better off. Like I said, I'm making progress objectively speaking. So, you can call out my attitude, but it is working. Anyway, the point is that my attitude towards working out wasn't to my wife's taste.

She really wanted me to put a lot more energy into it, but waking up at 5:00 a.m. and depriving myself of good food didn't seem like a great time to me. That wasn't what I wanted for myself. I know she was doing it for my own good. I don't have my head so far up my butt that I can't see that.

The problem is it was really hard for me to abide by such rigid discipline. I don't need a six-pack or 5% body fat. I want to be healthy, but I do not want to be a Hollywood star or bodybuilder. I might sound unserious, but deep down most of us are the same as that.

We ended up having a really big fight about it one day. It was strange to me because this was a woman who claimed that she was okay when I was much bigger than I currently am. I have cut more than a third off the weight I was at when we met. I look very different.

I am a lot healthier, and I got there mostly on my own power. She was the inspiration, but not because she asked. It was because I thought she deserved it. So, why eventually did I end up being insufficient even though I was better than the old version of me, which she considered sufficient?

Anyway, we had the fight, and at the end of it she told me that she was irritated by the way that I slacked off whenever I went to the gym. Apparently, I was holding her back. Those were her words. Truth is, I would spend about 90 minutes, and yes, about 30 minutes of that I spent dawdling.

But, when I hit the weights and machines, I hit them hard. She knows that. I don't see how that is stopping her from doing what she needs to be doing. Again, I am seeing progress, so there's no justification to treating me like I'm wasting my time.

I told her that. She claimed that it was still me wasting time because the really committed people were doing so much more than I was in those 90 minutes. She mentioned a few people at the gym who spent less time than me, but had better results. To no one's surprise, all the people she mentioned were men.

She knew their names. It rubbed me the wrong way that my body was being compared to those other people who she shared a gym with. The bottom line of everything was that she refused to continue to share the gym with me because she found it to be embarrassing. So, she was going to be switching to another gym.

It was about 50 minutes away from the gym she had been using for at least two years at that point. And it had a reputation for being a place to go for more intense fitness people. She claimed she should have done it all along, but I'm not entirely sure. Here's what I think happened.

Considering all that I know now, I think she had a crush on someone. He used to go to the same gym. Then he moved to the new gym in question. She found herself a lot more irritated after he left, and she started to take it out on me until she realized that she could just run over to where he was.

So, she had her fight with me, which made it perfectly acceptable for her to run over to a new gym. She knew I wouldn't follow because why would I? I was already too passive with my workouts to go to a more intense spot where the judgment would be heavier. She was right about that at least.

I ended up finding out that I was entirely onto something, by the way. Maybe it was simply because I was paranoid and extra observant. After the fight, she moved to the new gym and while I held some resentment toward her about it, I eventually got over the whole thing and we started acting normal with each other once again. However, I noticed that she mentioned a guy named Jasper being at the new gym.

She didn't explicitly mention that this was a guy she knew from the old place. I was the one who put those pieces together because I recognized his name from the time she was listing off people who actually took the gym seriously. The name stood out to me because it is far from common. I cannot say that I know a single Jasper, whether famous or not.

I just know that it is a name. So when she starts telling me casual stories from this new place and Jasper just happened to be a character in them, I raised an eyebrow. I knew it wasn't a coincidence. It had to be the same guy.

I could have delved deeper into it and asked her exactly who the guy was and whether he had come from the old gym. I chose not to do that because I had a gut feeling. I had a strong feeling that my intuition was right and I didn't mean to clue her in on anything. I decided that I was just going to check her phone instead of asking questions.

It would give me the unfiltered view on things. The only thing was that I needed to make sure that I had a good opportunity to actually go through it and make sure that I did not leave any stone unturned. The last thing I wanted at that point was her to actually catch me in the process because that would be the kind of mess that I wouldn't be able to deal with, especially if it prevented me from doing an exhaustive search. Eventually, I got the chance.

Her friend came over to the house and she walked her friend to her car. I knew they were going to talk for ages before the friend actually drove off and on top of that, I had a view of the driveway so I would know exactly when she was returning and I'd be able to abort the mission. Truth be told, my heart was pounding when I was doing this because I'm not used to it. I do not consider snooping through phones to be the pillar of a good relationship.

I think it is very necessary at points. There's already a major breach of trust once you get to the point where it is a necessary thing to do in the first place. I found her messages with him very close to the top when I opened up her messaging app. I wasted no time diving into it because I knew that I didn't have that much time.

The first impression I got was that the two of them were extremely friendly with one another. They had likely been hanging out at the gym together for a while. So, it wasn't unexpected for them to be chill with each other in their texts. But again, a gut feeling.

The friendliness just rubbed me the wrong way. It felt too familiar. Even if it hadn't, I would have kept reading. That was when I was able to see that she and Jasper didn't only talk friendly with one another, but sometimes flirted pretty heavily.

That was not her just enjoying male attention. She was fully engaging him in a way that anyone with a single brain cell would consider to be inappropriate. I kept looking out the window, and thankfully nothing changed. She was still bent over beside her friend's car window while they talked about something.

I'm glad that there was still time because if there hadn't been, I would have missed the most important part. In a series of texts, the the two of them were very clearly reminiscing about something that happened between the the two of them. And I promise you that if I show those texts to 100 people, 99 of them will come to the same conclusion that I did. The the two of them are sleeping together.

There is no reason to tell a friend ""Your arch was crazy. I would love to see that again."" So, yes. I came to the conclusion that she left the gym not because I wasn't doing enough, but because Jasper left for whatever reason. It upset her, and she took it out on me while simultaneously getting the chance to run away and be with him.

She calmed down easily after she moved to the new gym. I wasn't cramping her style any longer, and she could spend the entire workout session with this guy. I was in the process of sending screenshots to my phone when I saw her walking back up the driveway. The good thing is that I had just managed to delete the evidence when she walked in.

She saw me with her phone, but I had the chance to make up some lie about how I had to use her phone to search something up because mine was not working the way it was supposed to. She didn't seem too suspicious, thankfully enough. I need to figure out how I am going to handle this. No one truly explains what it feels like to learn that you've been cheated on.

It is absolutely horrible, and I genuinely would not want anyone but my very worst enemies to have to deal with that kind of pain. At this moment, I started to resent Louisa, but the resentment does not stop the pain. This is someone whom I loved with all my soul, and to find out how easily she was cheating on me, how cheap she made herself for another man, it fills me with rage. I don't know how I'm going to channel it, but I am going to have to figure out something, otherwise I will end up self-destructing, and that's the last thing anyone wants, even myself.

Update. If you do not know anything about me and Louisa, then I recommend you read my last post because it has been a while, and I am not about to do a recap of all that. What I do have to say is that things have taken a relatively positive turn for me. I have done damage in her life, and while all that doesn't make me feel perfectly fine, it is a good salve for the pain that I've been feeling.

All I planned to do was expose her. I did not have any ultra-creative way to get back at the woman, so I just chose to expose her to her family members, our mutual friends, and her gym community. I did not feel like anyone was going to exile her, but I hoped that it would make things awkward enough that it would cause her a lot of discomfort. I wrote a very long Facebook post including the screenshots that I had.

I put in the work to be able to find out who Jasper was, and thankfully, with such an uncommon name, it wasn't too hard for me to find information about this guy online. So, in that Facebook post, I made sure to tag the the two of them. I wanted to cause the gossip and drama to the people in our town love to cling to so strongly. I made sure to post on the group page for her gym.

I posted it on my Facebook page because I knew that her friends and family would see it. And then I sent the link to the post, or the post itself, to as many of her family and friends as I could. I guess that was my two-factor authentication to make sure that she was being exposed the way I wanted. The aftermath was a mess.

I almost regretted it. I had more messages unread and waiting for me than I ever had before. It was crazy. Most of them I left unread.

But I made sure to respond to the ones who seemed to have a mission to defend her or act like she hadn't done anything wrong. I also replied to the people I knew would likely play a part in helping spread the word about her. Among all those messages were a few from Jasper and some from Louisa herself. Jasper claimed that he didn't know she was married, but I am sure that was a lie.

He looked familiar, so I knew we definitely had an overlap at the gym. Even if he eventually left to go to the more intense place, he had been around for a while while I was around. I never sensed how close he and Louisa were because it seemed that they only saved all that for the days when I wasn't around or for the time before I even came there. Louisa and I interacted at the gym all the time.

I can count at least five people who knew for a fact that we were married. So I refused to believe that someone who was seemingly as close to her as Jasper wouldn't have any idea of that. He knew she was married, and I told him that. If he wanted to get angry with someone, he had the choice to make Louisa the recipient of his anger.

It wouldn't be me. He seemed really insistent on trying to patch things up with me, which was strange. If I got caught in the position he was in, I would apologize and move on with my guilt. But I suppose that my post was going to be a major damaging factor in his career.

He wanted to sweet talk me so he could eventually get me to delete it. But that, of course, was never going to happen. Eventually, I just stopped responding to him. Now, on to Louisa, because her messages were there, too.

It's funny because she started with anger. She called me an idiot for not talking to her before I made the move on my own. She said that there could have been a perfectly good explanation. I told her that there was no way in hell she could explain away cheating on me.

She told me that she had an explanation, but when I asked her for it, she claimed that I did not deserve it because I did not do the mature thing and ask her first. That was silly to me because it was clear that this woman was just trying to dodge accountability. It really pissed me off. I threw a few expletives her way and stopped engaging her after that.

The truth is, I had done a lot more damage than I could have expected. I don't know how bad it really was, but according to Louisa, it was bad. She felt like everyone knew about what she had done because of me. She maintained that I was meant to keep things civil and treat it like an adult.

She had made a mistake, but she deserved dignity. I challenged her on the mistake part and she stood her ground saying that I wasn't above such a mistake. I let her know that she didn't have the power to prove that or not because I hadn't cheated and since we were going to get divorced, she was not going to have the chance to prove if I ever would. She seemed shocked to hear of divorce, which was silly to me because after my destructive technique, it was clear that she was never going to be my wife for much longer.

She knows that I'm not a pushover. She knows inside her that no one is going to push me to make the move that I feel is best for myself. And staying with her after being proven to be a cheater was not going to be the way. The divorce isn't over yet, but the good part is that she is having a horrible time.

She told me that she pulled out of the gym because she could not take it anymore. She said that things were horrible and she was going to stay out of that space for some time. This was a few weeks ago, and she is still not back. I ran into her recently and she looks like she's added a few pounds.

Looks like she's finally craving all that junk food when the anxiety hits. She explained to me that she has not been going because of me and she looked like she expected me to show guilt. That was funny. There was no empathy in my heart for her.

Not for something as mild as feeling like your bad behavior is known. Maybe she'll go back to the gym. Maybe she will not, but if I see signs that she plans to, I will reheat those nachos and hit it with another wave of the shame. I will follow her to all the gyms that she plans to go and make sure they all know the kind of person she is.

She's going to regret ever cheating on me. You can say I am doing too much, but I don't care. She deserves nothing more than what I'm giving her and I am glad to see her in the pain.