I apologize for not updating sooner, but there have been so many changes in my life in the last few months. In a way, I don't even remember who I was or what I felt like before this happened. It's like I do remember, but it seems so long ago. I'm a different person now, and I don't think I can ever go back to who I was. Who I used to be was shaped in large part around my marriage, which was the biggest part of my life. Now I don't know what to think of that.
Anyway, of course I traveled back home. I had a blast in California. I met a lot of interesting people and talked to some very pretty women around my age. I was able to really let go of this crazy situation for a while and exist as a different person.
I called my boss and was able to take leave. Now they know what is going on, which I hate, but at least them knowing has made them more willing to give me the time I need to deal with it.
I still have the Camaro; it's sitting outside my office right now. I love that car, and I drive it too fast everywhere I go.
I've realized I hate my career. I thought I loved it before, but I think I loved the life that provided my wife and our family. I really no longer care about that life very much. When you remove that, I started seeing a lot of other things differently. I don't want to work for other people anymore. I'm planning my exit strategy. I have a great retirement account; even if I have to surrender half to my wife if it comes to that, I'll still be fine. I want to do something else. I'm thinking of opening a bar/diner in a very hip part of town. I'm actually pretty good with cooking for large groups and love to do it. I do a lot of different types of burgers, tacos, fajitas, etc.βperfect bar food. That's just an idea; we'll see.
As for my wife, I'm back home, but I don't act husbandly with her. I'm not mean to her, and we are currently still married, but I just don't care. I've lost my ability to care about her like a husband cares for a wife, and I can't get it back. My existence there is pleasant enough. I do whatever I want, when I want, and check with no one. She tries to let me know her comings and goings, but I tell her that's not necessary. She's being very pleasant around me, and is so ashamed of herself, I can tell.
I think something she valued in our lives is how much respect I had for her. I did; I had more respect for my wife than any other human being I've ever had in my life. Now I feel no respect for her at all. None. It's like she erased the biggest and best thing that had happened in my life up to this point: my marriage.
Of course, everyone gives me advice: "Go to marriage counseling," "It was so long ago," "Don't ruin the best thing in your life because of a stupid mistake she made so long ago," "She's been an amazing wife and mother, you have to give her credit for that," blah blah blah. Literally everyone in my life has an opinion on how I can heal and what I should do.