To be honest, I don't know what the future holds, and right now I don't care. It's pleasant at the house. I've moved to the finished basement and come and go as I please. My wife doesn't bother me, pressure me, or give me any type of crap at all; I think she's just thankful that I'm still here. I think she thinks that as long as I'm still at home and haven't filed for divorce, that we may come through this. I have no answer to that, and that doesn't bother me at all. When the answer or the path forward becomes clear to me, then I'll act.
But two things I know for sure:
1. I'm not going to rush myself.
2. I'm going to live for me and do whatever I want to do. No one will influence whatever I do in the future but me.
Of course I love my daughters, and the relationship with all the kids is still solid. None of this was any of their fault. I just joke with them now that I had counted on one of them to give me a kidney if I needed one, but I guess only my son can do that. I'd love to say nothing has changed between us, but I'd be lying. It feels different for all of us. It'll never be how it was, but we'll figure it out.
That's kind of where I am. It's Friday afternoon at about 3:30, and I'm taking off for the weekend. Should the department head bail at 3:30? Nope, that looks bad. Do I give a crap? Nope. By the way, I also wear jeans and Skechers shoes to work every day now, even though I was a suit-wearing executive and all the other directors and up still are. Do I give a crap what they think about what I'm wearing? Nope, not in the least. It's comfortable, so that's how it is.
Suicidal thoughts are long gone for those who asked. I do feel much better these days, just very different.
Everyone have a great weekend. I know I will, because I make my own fun now.