Thank you again to everyone who took their own personal time to respond. I have read and thought about each and every response, and will continue to do so. It's nice to think that the world isn't so cruel that a bunch of strangers wouldn't try to help someone they've never met.
I'll post another update in the future. Thank you all again.
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**Update:**
I asked my wife to come back about 10 days ago. Our 33rd wedding anniversary is tomorrow. We're all like zombies these days.
I don't know how to process this. I'm not seeing a therapist or anyone right now. I've confided in a few people, but don't really have a really close confidant; my wife has served that role for the last 33 years.
Obviously, I didn't kill myself and have decided not to, no matter what. I had that all worked out; I have even investigated all the legalities and insurance loopholes of what ending myself means as far as life insurance, pension, death benefits, etc. It would all be covered; my wife and children would still get the benefits they'd get if I died of natural causes.
The relationship is different with my daughters and I. We all proclaim our love and that I'm still their dad constantly, but it seems like we're trying to convince ourselves of that as much as anyone else. It's still different now, and I don't know if it can ever be the same. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can never be the same.
Of all the damn things to trip up my wife's secret: a silly Ancestry DNA test. She was going to take this secret to the grave, according to her and the only other human being that knew, her sister. This has haunted her for decades. She knew what she was risking losing, and once it was over and the fog had cleared, she knew how stupid, selfish, and immature she had been. She's the baby of her family; she was daddy's girl and very spoiled when we first got together.