The other man's family has been informed. We (daughters and I) felt that since they are in his bloodline, his family should know. Needless to say, there are some very shocked people on their side. Welcome to the club. My daughters have been introduced to some half-siblings they never knew they had.
They're good girls, and constantly shower me with "You're my dad forever," "I love my papa," and all that, and I do appreciate it. But it's not the same; it just isn't. They aren't my flesh and blood; they never were.
These days, my wife is the one that is suicidal. She's crushed that this has caught up with her. She really hoped to take it to the grave, and was willing to accept and internalize the guilt and shame as her penance/punishment for what she did.
For years, she said things like, "You're too good for me," "Why are you so good to me? I don't deserve you." She'd also say things like, "I'm a crappy person, and I don't know why I was blessed with a husband like you. I don't deserve you." I just figured that was out of a self-esteem issue, because she was a wonderful person, an amazing wife and mother that absolutely did deserve a good husband that treated her well.
One of my primary missions in life was to be the husband she deserved. My own career has been limited over the years because I decided young that my family always comes first. If a promotion meant more hours at the office, then I didn't want it. I turned down several much higher-paying jobs because they had 25% to 50% travel requirements. We were never rich or even well-off, but we had enough to pay our bills and spend a lot of time together as a family. That is what was/is important to me; my family means more to me than anything.
It's a huge cosmic kick in my nuts that this family I cherished more than anything was not 100% legit. My two daughters that were the apples of dad's eye aren't my children.
Now that I reflect back on those things my wife said, I know it was her guilt that she had done such a horrible thing, but still had a good family life, a husband and children that adored her and thought the world of her. Now those things she'd say make sense.
She has offered to do anything I ask, and is doing all kinds of research on what to expect and how to help heal the family. She is going to a therapist to help her deal with this enormous ton of guilt and shame that has now come to the surface and is crushing her. She can barely look our children in the eye. They held her in very high regard; we all did. I can see the painβnot just the pain of getting caught and how it affects her, but the pain of true remorse and knowing what she has done to us.
We have started talking about the affair. It's tough because we both break down emotionally; both of our hearts are broken.