I am Frank Carstairs, 47, divorced, with no kids. I work for a major electronics supplier to the Defense Department. Because of my past job-related travel, my marriage was not the greatest, but it took a slip of my wife’s tongue to show her cheating and end our marriage. This is the story of how it happened.

First, let me bring you the background to this story. I served six years in the military as a radar repair technician. As with a lot of us who did that kind of work, we all had the nickname “Radar” after Radar O’Reilly from the TV series M*A*S*H, or “Sparky.” I was looked upon throughout the service as something of an artist at troubleshooting problems.

When I got out of the service, I had my choice of many civilian jobs doing the same thing, but with contractors and not the military. I came back to my hometown of Grand Rapids, Michigan, and pondered my options. I finally chose to accept a position with a company that was developing a drone control system that they could retrofit to the present systems. It would reduce the weight by about 17 pounds as well as increase surveillance capabilities by an order of magnitude.

They hired me to put the test drones through their paces. The company rented an unused road race course on the northern edge of the county that gave us a three-mile by one-and-a-half-mile area to do our testing. It also included several buildings that allowed us to work outside of observation from the rest of the world.

One of the support people was a young lady from the local area. When I was introduced to her, I was gobsmacked, as our English friends say. Elizabeth Morgan was gorgeous. She was five-foot-five or six tall, with eyes that looked into your very soul. She was well proportioned and slender. She had the darkest black hair and wore it in a ponytail even when dressed up.

It was love at first sight for me. As neither one of us was at the time part of the management team, we were not constrained by any non-fraternization policy. When I asked Liz for a date, she said she was going out regularly with a man from the neighborhood where she lived. She said at that time that things seemed to be slowing down, so she would let me know if they broke up.

Our testing showed that our package delivered everything that it was designed to do. We lobbied through a local member of Congress to get some decommissioned Predator and other military drones to enable us to design interfaces for our controls. I was then hired as a permanent full-time employee.

I requested that Liz be part of my support staff and refused to sign the non-fraternization agreement unless she was exempted. The argument that I made was that I had already approached her for a date and as such it was a pre-existing relationship. Surprisingly, the company and HR agreed.

After our successful conversions, I was tasked with flying out to White Sands Missile Base in New Mexico to give a demonstration to a joint military group. There were officers and support staff present from the Army, Navy, Marines, and also the Coast Guard. Liz had made the trip and had by this time accepted a few dates from me.

We found that we both liked dancing, live theater, and camping. Up to this point, there had been no sexual activity between us. The tests went well, but the military indicated that they were not interested, and we thought that we had failed.

On the trip back to Grand Rapids, I was very depressed, and Liz tried to cheer me up. We talked for almost the entire five-hour flight. When we landed, Liz asked me if I wanted to be her exclusive. I almost did a double take at that, as she had not given me any indication that she wanted anything but a few casual dates. Hell, even our camping trips had been with groups, and we used separate tents.

I said I would be ecstatic to be her exclusive, and I wanted her as mine as well. I cautioned her that because of the current project and its apparent lack of success, I might not be employed at the company after this project was over. She did not seem to care.

We dated seriously from that point. I was pleased when the company offered me a long-term contract as their Chief Test Supervisor. Because of that and our continuing relationship, I asked Liz to marry me, and she accepted.

We got married in the small church that I belonged to and had as our witnesses her family, my remaining family (my parents and an older brother were dead), and friends and co-workers. For our honeymoon, we took a two-week camping trip along the Appalachian Trail. It was a glorious trip, and we both came back to Grand Rapids tired, dirty, and incredibly happy.

Work disturbed the mood somewhat when we returned the following Monday. Liz was being transferred to a different department because my staff was being reduced to just me and the secretarial pool. The reason for this shift in personnel was that the drone control project was to be shelved until we received some response from the military.

I was then tasked with helping develop a very small drone capable of being controlled by satellite. The design goals were a drone as small as a robin but with video capabilities. The problems that these parameters created caused me to work some long hours, and Liz was not happy.

As with all marriages, our love life started out hot and heavy, then tapered off to three or four times a week. For the next few years, neither of us was too upset with this, as we seemed to remain satisfied with our lives.

About a year after our trip to New Mexico, the company was granted a contract with the Coast Guard to retrofit two dozen Predator drones for naval rescue operations and drug surveillance and interdiction. The company was also awarded a contract with the Border Patrol for similar but land-based operations. I was given the additional duties of supervising this program. Needless to say, I was getting stretched very thin at work.

About two years after we got married, Liz left the company for a job with a local company as a personal assistant to one of their vice presidents. She said she needed the move to broaden her horizons. I took an instant dislike to her boss, Ralph Sims, but could not explain to Liz or myself why I felt that way.

At home, the stress from my job and the long hours was causing a lot of friction. Liz wanted me to be excited about her new job and also for me to slow down so I didn’t burn out. I was constantly tired and short-tempered. Because of my snapping at Liz a couple of times for very minor things, I was sleeping in the second bedroom.

I finally talked to my boss at work and was given sufficient staff to lighten my load and cut back to minimal overtime. Things improved at home, and I thought we were a happy couple again. Liz took the news of my improved job conditions as another reason for me to become happier at home. It worked, as I apologized and did everything I could to make up for my inappropriate anger. Things got back to a one-bedroom and happy intimate life.

For the next three or four years, the mini-drone project sailed along and was accepted by several state and local police agencies and, of course, several alphabet-soup federal agencies. I was then promoted and given a huge raise with a stock option and bonus.

Because of the way Liz seemed to go through money, I had my raise, bonus, and stock options transferred to an account in another bank and in my name only. I used a P.O. box at the local post office for a mailing address. I also got Liz to agree to file separate tax returns because the tax burden was considerably less doing that.

My new duties, as I explained at the beginning, involved extensive travel. This again raised tension at home. Liz was not happy when I had to miss several of her employer’s company functions because of my need to be out of town. The frosty atmosphere continued for a little over a year when my boss finally told me that I needed to take a month off to recharge and decompress.

The timing was perfect. Liz had a vacation week coming, and as it was coinciding with our wedding anniversary, she agreed to take a three-day camping trip into the Great North Woods of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.

I spent the week before we left noticing several things that I had been overlooking. Liz was dressing more provocatively for work. Ralph was calling her at home in the evening, and Liz would go into the spare bedroom and close the door to talk to him. Our intimacy was now very sporadic, and when it happened, it was without any of Liz’s former passion.

I mentioned these things to Liz, and she went nuts. I spent the last few days before our trip on the rollout in the spare bedroom. Because of this, I decided to give Liz a nasty surprise when we got to the campsite. I took a big tent and a double sleeping bag out of the packed stuff and replaced them with two one-man survival tents and two single sleeping bags. Liz was none the wiser.

The weekend came, and we left Grand Rapids for the UP. It was a six-and-a-half-hour drive. Around noon we crossed the Straits on the Mighty Mac. At around 3:45 p.m. we still had one to two hours to get to the campsite, so we decided to get a room in St. Ignace as we did not have prior reservations. The only room available was with two queen beds.

Liz was angry when I took one of the beds after she had turned down the other. Dinner was a frosty occasion at a local restaurant. We went back to the motel, and I showered and went to bed. Liz was still fuming and wanted to pick a fight.

I was finally fed up with her attitude and lit into her. I managed to let her know that I wasn’t going to put up with the crap she had been dishing on me, and until she changed, I would sleep in a separate bed. Liz asked how that was going to work at the campsite. I just said, “Already taken care of.”

She glared at me and turned out the lights. I heard some soft crying, but I was angry and disappointed to the point that I did not feel the need to comfort her.

In the morning, we had a very silent two-hour drive to the campsite. When we got there, I handed Liz her tent and sleeping bag, and she went ballistic on me. She screamed, “What gives you the right to treat me like this?”

I snapped back, “The same right that gives you the right to deny me the marriage bed. Did you bother to think about that? Can you answer that? What has changed is that you have become an insufferable woman. When we get back to the apartment, you are sleeping on the rollout.”

Liz looked abashed and turned around mumbling something. Then I heard the words that killed our marriage. Muttering under her breath but still loud enough to be heard, she said, “Ralph has never kicked me out of the bed.”

I now was ballistic. I grabbed all of the stuff, put it back in the car, grabbed Liz, and set her down in the front seat. I climbed in and started driving. Liz had a shocked look on her face and asked, “Where are we going?”



I screamed, “As soon as we get a reliable signal, you are going to call Ralphie boy and have him meet us in Cadillac. Then you are going with him. You are no longer allowed in the apartment I pay for. I will see a divorce lawyer on Monday, and you can come and get your stuff any day next week. I heard that Ralphie boy likes you in his bed.”

“Oh no,” she cried. “I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to hear that.”  
“Well, I did, and you obviously have experience with Ralphie boy not kicking you out of bed, except maybe to do you on the floor. Think about what you have destroyed. I have never, never cheated on you. I have been propositioned, plied with booze, and outright invited to have intimacy with women while I have been on the road. Unlike you, I take my vow of forsaking all others seriously. Do you have any other stupid remarks to make? Did Ralphie boy always use protection, or do I need to get checked for STDs? Did you ever give me sloppy seconds? How long has this affair been going on? What about all of your other affairs that I don’t know about? Are you going to answer any of those questions?”

With each shouted question, Liz seemed to shrink smaller and further into the passenger seat. She was silently sobbing and looking out of the window. She finally took a big sigh and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It’s all my fault.”

She took a big breath of air and continued. “When you didn’t show up at some of the company functions, Ralph started making snarky cracks about how if he were my husband, he would not be so inattentive. Finally, I fell for his line. We started having intimacy about eight months ago. He is the only person that I’ve been cheating with. It was almost over, and I told him last week that I was going to use this trip to try and rekindle the intimacy that we lost in our marriage.”

I stopped her right there. “Is that why you kicked me out of our bedroom this week? To rekindle the intimacy? You still haven’t said if you use protection or if you took any other precautions against things like, oh, I don’t know, pregnancy.”

She shrank back into the seat and sat silently until we reached St. Ignace again. I put my cell phone on the speaker setting and handed it to her. Then I told her, “Call Ralphie boy and let him know we are coming, and if he doesn’t come and get you, I will drive to his house and drop you off there. I am sure his wife will love that.”

I was on a roll now. “You might also tell him that he needs to watch his back, because while I will not harm him, I’m sure others in his company might when they find out what you two have done. I am pretty sure that you are not Ralphie boy’s only woman, and he will wonder how many of the ladies in the office are finding irate husbands will want a piece of him.”

She called the number, and a lady — Ralph’s wife — answered. Before Liz could say anything, I said, “This is Frank Carstairs, and I need to talk to your husband about his affair with my wife. If he won’t come to the phone, we’ll see him in a few hours when I drop his woman off at your front door.”

I heard a sob and a woman scream, “Ralph, get your sorry ass down here and talk to this person on the phone. I’ll start packing your stuff.” Ralph came on, and I signaled Liz to start talking.

She sort of hemmed and hawed and finally said, “Frank has found out about us, and he insists that you come to Cadillac and pick me up, or else he will drop me off at your front door.” Good old Ralph replied, “No way in hell am I coming to get you. If you show up at—”

I jumped in at this point. “Yes, Ralphie boy, you will come and get her, or I will go and sit on the threshold of the personnel office door with a notice of an inappropriate sexual liaison between a supervisor and a subordinate. We are almost to the Straits now, so you better get your ass in gear.”

He started to bluster. “You can’t prove anything.” I said, “Maybe not, but the lawsuit and a sexual harassment complaint from a spouse will not be ignored. See us at the Meijer parking lot on Boon Road in about two hours. Remember, if you are not there, your wife will get to meet my wife and her tale of woe. Your choice.”

He then started screaming, “You cheating woman, Liz! You have cost me my marriage!” I interrupted again. “It takes two to cheat. I’ll bet that if I file the lawsuit and subpoena your personnel records, I will find other complaints of sexual impropriety.”

I could almost hear his shoulders fall. “All right, you son of a bitch, I’ll be there.”

As we were getting closer to Cadillac, Liz started pleading to let her stay in the apartment. She cried that she would do anything to stay with me. This really angered me, and I just let her have it.

“You cheating woman, you don’t care about me, or you would have been more supportive, more loving, and much more understanding. I did nothing to push you into an affair. I was working hard because I wanted you to have everything. I did not want to work those hours, but the job required it. I would not and will not find a job that will pay as well or have as much chance to improve my position as in this company. If our marriage was so important to you, how do you justify what you have done to destroy it? Does ‘forsaking all others’ ring a bell in your addled mind? What you have done has destroyed us. It has destroyed all that was good with us. It has destroyed, in all likelihood, your lover’s marriage and home life. Is any of this getting through?”

Liz was crying now. I just shut up for the rest of the drive to Cadillac.

When we got there, I wondered if Ralph was the violent type or if my actions had pushed him over the edge. He was sitting in his car looking like someone had kicked his dog. I felt no sympathy.

Liz spent a few seconds pleading her case. I made her give me her engagement and wedding rings. She started wailing, but I felt nothing but sorrow as I forced her out of the car.

When the door closed, I started the drive of 110 miles back to Grand Rapids. I thought that my life might just as well be over. I was not paying a lot of attention to my driving when Ralph came flying past me. He must have realized, or Liz told him, that it was me he just passed.

I saw him exit at 17 Mile Road. After I passed that exit, I again was only half paying attention when my car was hit in the rear by another. I lost control, and from the police reports, my car rolled over four times before coming to rest in the median on its wheels.

I was not conscious and was airlifted to the local trauma center emergency room. It turned out I only suffered a severe concussion and rub burns from my seat belt and the airbags. The police didn’t even try to talk to me that night.

When they asked about the accident the next day, they acted like they already knew who had done what and what had caused the accident. It turned out that they did. Liz ratted out Ralphie boy.

When he got off at 17 Mile Road, it was only to let me pass again. He then sped up to catch me and ram my car. Unfortunately for Ralph, something fell off my car and jammed his steering, so he could not get away. The police arrested him, and he was charged with reckless driving, speeding, reckless endangerment, and attempting to flee a personal injury accident.

His wife refused to bail him out, and Liz had no money for a cab, so a nice cop drove her over to our apartment.

I spent two more days in the hospital. When I was discharged, no one was there to pick me up. I finally called a taxi and went to the apartment.

What I found there was not a complete surprise. Everything that Liz had had in the apartment was gone. Her cell phone and her apartment and car keys were on the kitchen table. There was also a note.

The note said:  
“Frank, I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I am ashamed of what I have done to you and to our marriage. I am sorry for the hurt that my actions have caused you. I wish I could say that we can fix this, but knowing you, I do not think it will happen. I am going to stay with my parents. If you decide to go for a divorce, I will be there for a few days. If divorce is what you want, I won’t fight it. All that I want if we divorce is what I have already taken from the apartment. I still love you, and while I cannot believe you still have any good feelings for me, I hope you do. Elizabeth.”

I contacted a friend of a friend who was an attorney. I had Liz served and sued their company for non-enforcement of their anti-fraternization policy. I also had Ralphie boy served with a co-respondent and a personal lawsuit.

The divorce went through without any hiccups. Ralph pled guilty and got a sentence of five years with three years suspended if he successfully completed anger management and a sexual harassment course of treatment. Part of the sentence was also ten years of probation.

Liz and Ralph were both fired. The company threw a lot of money at me to make the lawsuit go away, and I got another promotion at work. I no longer had a lot of travel, and the only time I left the office was for local tests, new hire training, or military demonstrations.

Ralph was also sued for divorce, and before he could start his jail term, someone else’s spouse decided to teach him not to chase after married ladies. He spent more than six weeks in the hospital and rehab.

Liz still lives in town and found a job with an all-female company. I occasionally see her at the mall or in the grocery store. I don’t initiate any conversation, and other than a sad little smile, she does not acknowledge my presence.

Tomorrow is another day.